Amusingly, I find my red flags are the exact opposite of Ester's. This is a spouse we are talking about, not a person we're casually dating. It makes 100% sense for me to be a cosigner on a loan to my husband - in most states I'm on the hook for that money anyway. But lying about finances would not work for me, period. We may keep separate accounts but it is OUR financial life we are building & living. If my husband (my HUSBAND, the person I am bound to for life) tells me he has an investment that is providing him with income and that can be sold someday, or he tells me he has good credit, I should be able to believe him! I understand there are reasons why people might resist a prenup, but it actually would be a red flag for me - granted, that's because I got divorced from someone who said he would never do a prenup because of COURSE we would both be civil if we ever divorced, and then he was a total dick when we did get divorced. So, you know, that should have been a red flag personally, but to each her own. (I have an informal prenup with my second husband, and he agreed to the idea of having one as soon as I brought it up, though he would have been OK with not having one, too.) Not having an estate plan, well, whatever. But lying & active secrecy is just... not OK.
On After I Go
I do think about this, but have not done the greatest of jobs writing stuff down. My father-in-law died several years ago and months after all the immediate stuff we realized he was the only one who knew the admin password for the wireless router. You know, stuff like that. I really need to keep some kind of locker of this information, even if it isn't in a specially-designed app. (My mom has a password-locked spreadsheet with the info she needs to pass on and I know the password.)
Yikes. This weekend was really not what I expected. Friday, after I ordered dog food online ($37.93 and it actually arrived yesterday: the magic of Amazon Prime) we bought bread & dessert for family dinner ($11.28). I wrote in my estimate that my MIL was waiting for a prognosis for her/my husband's dog, who is 18 and in rapidly-declining poor health; she's decided that this is probably the week to put her to sleep, but it hasn't happened yet. We went home and slept off a little of our sadness. Saturday, we ran errands in the morning: $137.47 for a new fan that isn't catching on fire for our bedroom and lightbulbs for it; $10.58 for turtle food; $4.07 for some supplies for bubble solution; later, $2.62 for our second trip to Lowe's because trips to the hardware store for a project are like potato chips: bet you can't have just one! We installed the fan, and as soon as we were done, our friends arrived at their apartment a mile away with their moving van from Atlanta, ready for us to help unload. So we did that for three hours, and also picked up some drive-thru dinner on the way there ($7.28). We went home afterwards and watched Addams Family Values until late in the night, which was exactly what we needed (the movie definitely holds up to my childhood memories). Sunday, we slept in a little, I helped my friends return their moving truck, we had brunch with family ($35.15), we did some homework and housework and walked the dog, and in the evening after I spent $1.69 on some caffeine, I went to choir rehearsal. And then I slept, and it was good. Total: $248.07 of the $300 I estimated.
Heyyyyyyy so this weekend is going to be really hard to estimate. The theme of my estimate is "life is hard right now." Tonight, we were planning to go out to a splurgey dinner because it's our anniversary today (five years together!), but we canceled because my husband just got word that his mom is probably going to have us come to the vet with her to put his childhood/teenagehood/family dog down. She is 18(!), she's had a good life, but it's still so hard. No reason to go splurge on a dinner we won't enjoy, in any case. We might eat fast food just to wallow a bit ($10). Saturday, we need to buy a new fan/light for our bedroom because this morning the fan started smoking and squealing, yay? So glad it happened while we were home so we could catch it and turn off the power and there wasn't a fire while our pets were home alone and stuck in crates/aquariums!!! Anyway, it looks like the light kit we'd want to match the rest in the house is about $100, so I'll round up to $150 for safety since we always remember other stuff we need at the hardware store. We also need to buy some pet supplies. $45 for dog food and treats, $15 for a retractable leash, $15 for a new rope toy, $15 for more turtle food. The rest of Saturday, I hope to go to a dog trainer's open house and then we'll go help our friends unload from moving. Oh, and how could I forget, that might be the day we go with my mother-in-law to put down her dog. Sunday, possibly more unloading help for our friends. I was supposed to sing a concert in the afternoon but it got canceled because our director was just put on bedrest in the hospital for the rest of her pregnancy (twins, due June, I really hope they aren't born anytime soon, this is scary). In the evening, rehearsal for the other choir. And maybe some homework. I'll budget $50 for weird shit I've forgotten about in all the chaos. Total: $300.
Friday night, I ended up spending $3.81 on dinner at a drive-thru, then went to my friend's softball game as planned, which was actually very fun to watch. Saturday, we did go to brunch with our friends after their legal marriage ceremony (which of course took place 3/14/15 9:26:53) and unexpectedly the father of the bride treated us to brunch! That was nice. We ran a few errands; $12.75 at the bakery, $18.01 at the pet shop, $27.30 to fuel up my car (forgot to count that in my estimate). I went running with a friend in the heat (never again; only morning runs) then picked up a pie ($5.99) and had pie and video games with friends for the rest of the evening. Sunday, I spent $1.69 on a soda before rehearsal #1, then made a quick grocery shopping run ($13.26) to kill time between that and rehearsal #2. Other than that, the whole day was devoted to homework and housework. I'm tired. Total: $55.51 out of $75 estimated. Not bad, but of course, I'd budgeted for a brunch I got for free!
@CJ Cregg Yes, of course!! :)
Oh my gosh, I am so excited we're here again!!! Tonight, I'm making tacos for me and my dude then going to sit and watch my friend's softball game. Probably $0. Tomorrow, we're going to have brunch with our friends after they get legally married at 9:26 AM (3/14/15 9:26, I love me some number nerd friends). They're doing a wedding in Ireland next week but are doing the legal thing now, quietly at home, followed by brunch with friends/family. Should be fun. I've never eaten at the place we're going but hope it's not too expensive, especially since the reviews are... not good. Based on the prices of their lunch menu, I'll guess brunch will be about $30. In the afternoon I might go look at properties with my friend or I might go running or I might do homework or I might run a quick errand to get turtle food ($15) or I might just stay home and snuggle a puppy because I am SO EXHAUSTED by this week. Sunday, I have TWO choir rehearsals for two different choirs. I refuse to do other stuff besides like... homework and puppy snuggles. I'm still gonna throw in $30 for bad choices. Total: $75. I could really use a cheap weekend after this week.
I do the same math you did. I charge my yearly flood insurance to my credit card because there are no processing fees. I don't charge my property tax because it has a 2% fee and I only get 1% back. The same goes for smaller bills. If I have to pay more to use a credit card, unless I literally have no other option, I won't do it.
I didn't estimate! But I'll check in. It was an expensive weekend. Friday evenings I spent hate-reading some stuff on Tumblr, which is free except to my dignity and mental health. Oh, well. Saturday was a big day! In the morning, I ran a 5k with my friend, then we went out for brunch afterwards at the local diner ($12.50). Then we looked at properties we'd researched earlier in the week and semi-fell-in-love with one (more on that later). In the afternoon, it was time for my friend's bachelorette party! Not counting the gift I bought her earlier and gave to her that day ($125.95), here's what I spent: $42 on the painting workshop we went to ($35 + $7 for 1/5 of the bride's costs), $28 on dinner, $12.60 on karaoke. It was all in cash, which was nice. My husband, meanwhile, found out on Thursday that not only was he being requested to write an RPG adventure for the bachelor party (he knew that already), they also wanted to host it at our house. So, we made that happen, but we didn't realize that also meant, like, they wanted us to provide drinks, etc. (Not alcohol, really, just... something other than tap water would've been nice to have on hand.) They drank our last few ciders we happened to have in the fridge but I felt like kind of a shitty host even though I know it's not our fault (like - maybe the guy who was "planning" this party should have thought to do this or at least mention it to my husband, who is a kind-of friend of the groom who is not even going to the wedding). Anyway, they also went out for sushi in the middle of it and my dude appears to have charged $30.55 to the credit card for it. Sunday, we stayed in other than going back to see the property again. So, it's 8 acres along a creek just outside of town (a 14 minute drive from our current house), and we had hoped we'd be able to purchase it with another couple and subdivide it, but it doesn't look like that will be possible (we're stuck with one home per 5.01 acres in the county). I'm going to talk to the county and see what our options are - whether we can build two dwellings and call them one home, whether we can get one of their case-by-case exceptions, etc. Because we all REALLY like the property and it's priced fabulously and it would be AWESOME if it worked out, but the legalities get way more complicated if we can't split the land. More on this as it develops, I'm sure. Total: $251.60, of which 95% was for bachelor/bachelorette party fun. We're not flying to Ireland for their wedding next week, so we can at least celebrate with them this way, I suppose :) But I'm glad I'm out of expenses for that, now. Our anniversary is in two weeks (five years since we started dating, woo!) and I'd like to feel not-guilty if we decide to go out for a fancy meal.