the idea that you only rent in the city for your young single years before moving to a larger space in the burbs? that doesn't really sound new to me... and i also don't think it accurately defines millennials as much as it did the previous generations. i mean, that's basically the plot of friends. i feel like we're already past that being a 'new thing' and they are writing an article for 20 years ago. i live in a megacity city, own a place and want to stay there. we have neighbors with kids who own, rent and co-op. we have neighbors who throw parties every weekend. we have neighbors who are retired. i also know plenty of people who moved to suburbs immediately post-college or never actually left in the first place, so they never did a megacity thing at all.
yeah. i even had that conversation with my guy back when we first sstarted dating. 10 years later... i still ended up in the same place. partly it's because of some health issues he has, combined with an on-call work job. that's the part i can never quite articulate. that i feel like i stretch myself to be available or to get things done, to make up for the things he can't do because of his health or job. or because it's my first instinct- to try and make 'it' happen. like he has a hard time saying no to his (widowed) mother, so i end up stretching to make myself available all the time for stuff with her. we got into a big argument the other day because i was upset that he often forgets to even *tell* me about plans he makes with her, let alone asks me in advance whether i A) have time and B) want to. and then i get blindsided when she refers to outings that i'm not even aware of. i was basically like, "this is the end. i am not doing anything else unless you ask me in advance, and if your mom wonders why i'm not around you have to tell her the truth, not make some kind of excuse that shifts the blame to me."
yeah, i made it clear early on in our relationship that i would absolutely be angry rather than pleased if my guy unilaterally decided to buy something expensive as a 'gift' for me, instead of us talking and buying it together.
@highjump what's up with that 'least charitable' jab? all i did was ask why the location matters - and i asked it of someone else, whose own comment emphasized that they believe it does; i wasn't really referring to yours.
question: is it cheating or not-cheating if you're rich, so you're home but other people are still cooking for you and waiting on you? my point being, there is no such thing. the only way to 'cheat' the idea of thanksgiving is to be a jerk.
@Christy why does the location matter at all?
yeah, not cheating, no way, no how*. we did my family's thanksgiving out twice in my life, because of recent deaths in the family, and they were both wonderful and freeing for everyone. my mother, for one, would love to have a holiday of her own instead of feeding everyone in two families who all jsut "love" her homecooked food, but never help make any of it. i am two states away, but i'm the only person who even offers to contribute except my brother who takes charge of all the clean-up. when we've done thanksgiving with my guy's family, it's usually just his mother, maybe another family friend so we've ordered turkey and sides from whole foods a few times. you pick it up a day or two before. that too has been awesome. togetherness, without the frantic worry and bustle. * caveat: you must tip, and not be stingy with it
@ronswansonluva at my office it can go either way depending on the project and the team. some teams have a 'you stay and do whatever it takes to get it done' norm. others have a 'sorry, my day ends at 5, you're just not going to get it' mentality, and all in between. it ends up really depending on your manager, and what the deadline in question is. i had a deadline (things due to me) on Monday and basically not one single person took it seriously. but because of our relative positions, i have to accommodate them. so i did 4 hours worth of work at home last night since i couldn't do that work until i have the info from the other people who were late.
"I’ve had people text me to postpone Sunday afternoon get-togethers because there was a problem with the servers." yeah, my guy has one of those jobs. and he has little to no support under him, so he is basically on call 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. even when he doesn't have to go in, he often has to fix it right away remotely, and even when there isn't anything that *he* could fix, he's getting alerts and phone calls and has to reassure the executives. network problem on saturday? he's on it. alert at 11pm because the server room AC is malfuntioning? he's emailing the building people. 5am power outage because some idiot hit a transformer on the way to work? he's getting up and going in early. and that's not to even mention the last-minute requests from other people at his company to help them after hours and on weekends with their individual projects. it's really awful and it absolutely contributes to him being stressed out and anxious all the time. he's never able to fully relax. and he has a lot of health problems because of this.
a sad desk lunch is only sad if you insist on thinking about it that way. it becomes a self-fulfilling 'grass is greener' prophesy. it's not inherently sad to eat at your desk instead of buying a not-cheap sandwich or salad from a chain restaurant. i have had so many sad "out" lunches eating crappy subway sandwiches or cosi salads that are gross and limp.