Dude this makes me so angry. Also what about paternity leave/other wife/other partner leave?! Every guy I know who is having a baby is taking off max 2 weeks. THAT'S CRAZY HORRIBLE. If I had a baby I'd want my partner to take at least a month if not as long as I took. Help out while I got used to everything my body went through, got up to speed on taking care of a little human, make sure they bonded, acknowledge that dads are also part of the family unit and child care team. It's so past time for fathers to be considered part of this conversation. We shouldn't just be talking about can women get paid leave for this major life event- everyone should. It's wrenching to me that dads are being left out because it just entrenches the idea of women as the only ones with a home life to take care of. If we get a federal program I think it should be like everyone gets 12 weeks of half pay or 6 weeks full pay, to be used either in combination or separately. And then it becomes pretty standard for the first 2 weeks to be both parents at home, then mom takes 10 weeks, dad takes the next 10 and the kid basically has full time parental care for 6 months, with each parent only taking 3 months each. Single parents should get to apply for a double down too and get 24 weeks. Our cheap penny wise pound foolish country should be able to see how good this is for society. Also everything I've heard about places with paid parental leave make it clear that a society which offers this also creates regular opportunities to hire someone for a 3-6 month temporary gig, and that creates really good opportunities for people to get some work mobility and job training.
Home laser cutter is where it's at man. That's what I want!
On Hey Jealousy
I think if someone is a good friend you can acknowledge your conflicted feelings on something. You can be like, "I am so happy for you! But also I'm going to miss you being in the broke club with me because I'm still so broke! You aren't going to forget me and only go drink fancy places without me now, right?" The other part is about having a long perspective of what "doing well" is. If all your friends are getting married and you are still single, that seems totally hard to be excluded from, until a year or two later when you are in the early stages of a falling in love with someone great and they're all fighting with their husbands. This new job is great right now until a month or two later when your friend is working crazy long hours and you feel sympathy again. Its not that life isn't a competition so much as it's got ups and downs and tradeoffs, and its a full 9 innings long. Some people who seem charmed and blessed end up with a lot of hard things later on when everyone else is getting into the groove. Some people have good jobs and bad relationships, some people who start out sunny end up having bitter adult personalities, some people mellow as they age. You will need this friend to be happy for you later when she's bored with her job and you are doing interesting work at a new firm, or to be by your side if things get harder. Working to be genuinely happy for other people even when you aren't happy yourself is part of the black belt certification in being a good adult person.
@RachelG8489 I feel pretty knee jerk about it myself. Renting your primary residence some of the time, or a guest house that's empty now attached to your primary residence most of the time is one thing. But re-renting a place you rent, or buying a place to become a short term rental, because you found someone else to move in with, is...its a moral problem. It may not be a crime against the market or whatever, but if I rent out my rent controlled unit in a building, where all these young couples and older people making middle class incomes live to make extra cash because I have the luxury of living with my boyfriend, and lets say in so doing I leave the city, thus taking my sales tax and local support elsewhere, thus preventing some other young bootstrapped couple from being able to access a safe and affordable home, and screwing the city over on the income tax en I'd consider it wrong. You are blocking the entry of contributing city residents to turn a quick buck on non residents. I don't care if it's legal or not, it's just...wrong.
Knowing people is key to getting jobs. A friend of mine just got a job, because another friend went to a meeting at a place about a year ago, asked some questions, thought, "this firm is pretty cool, I bet friend A would love it..." then he was at a party with a guy from the cool firm, started to ask him questions about the skill set, like, "oh hey I loved visiting your firm, i have a friend who does some of that kind of stuff but he's not professional, would you be able to tell him about what you do and your training?" and the guy at the firm said, "what stuff does your friend do? send him to me!" and now friend A is starting his first week there full time- he's starting at the bottom, but his base skills and a tryout were enough for them to hire him and he'll learn so much there. And it all came of some party chit chat. If you are in a new field or new place, try and nose in. Go to happy hours for the professional association, volunteer places that have people from the field you like (accountants for humanity or something like that), consider going to things that networkers go to- join your neighborhood council or a local church and then just ask questions about what the people you meet do, and how they got there. Take a class in a skill that relates- you can never learn to do too many computer programs in any field. Then suck up to your professor. People are very flattered when you say, "oh wow you are a ! I have always loved !, What kind of work do you do on daily basis? Do you mind if I ask what kind of training you had?! That sounds so neat! Would you come to lunch with me sometime, I have so many questions!"
I don't completely remember the whole thing, but mandatory "donations" for entry to 501 c (3) nonprofits are illegal. My mom works in fundraising and it's a tax thing. She mutters quite a lot and gives the poor kids manning the door a hard time with questions if she sees suggested donation at an fundraiser. Basically if I recall correctly you get out of certain tax obligations if you call something a donation instead of a ticket price, but then it HAS to be voluntary. You can SUGGEST and shame people into a certain amount, but if you make them pay something or turn them away it is not a donation, its a minimum fee of 1 cent which makes it not tax exempt anymore. Here's a legal beagle explaining the rules: http://wagenmakerlaw.blogspot.com/2013/09/thats-ticket-suggested-donations.html This is also why street vendors sometimes have a sign that says, "suggested donation $x". It's because they can't technically sell things without a permit, so they have to pretend that they're giving it away for free, and if you so decide to "donate" to them, then that's your own unrelated act of kindness. It's a legal fiction basically.
Slush Fund Progress: August Total: $6,214 September Total: $7,218 Goal: 25k Percent of Goal achieved: 28.87%! Spending: September: $1573 August: $1929 October Spending Goal: $900. Time to get better on spending.
One time we were dining out on a double date thing in a fancy place and we saw a group on a double date across the way and one of the women had her store tag hanging out the back of her dress. Our whole table agreed someone needed to help- it was only a matter of time before the people she was eating with would get up and see it. So when our waitress came over we asked if she would be able to tell her. And our waitress turned pink and just said she would be completely unable to do it. And then my friend became a hero, stood up, strolled over, leaned down totally casually, whispered, "I'm fixing your tag" in the lady's ear and gently slid the tag back in, then headed for the bathroom. God knows what she told the people at her table about who the mystery woman was, but it was a good save.
Instead of grad school I think maybe you need another skill that complements the video editing, which can be done through all kinds of much much cheaper classes. Something web based seems like the right relationship- building websites, learning how to convert a website to a mobile website, video shooting, brochure and branding, etc. Hard skills are the things that give a person an edge. From my own experience with interns and grad counseling, having proficiency in a specific software can make a lot of difference- database, coding, GIS, because if you get 10 good candidates the one who knows how to do that software thing you don't, is the one I'd pick. And that stuff you can get in adult extension courses or through a community college on the cheapo.
It's also striking to me that she uses the internet for her advice letters but the letter implies she hasn't cracked the code of gchat/skyping home friends. My pals and I chat regularly, and we've set up dates and that can make a big difference. I think that if she isn't taking advantage of that, it would be worth exploring. There are ways to be far away and make new friends while keeping the old, and it's certainly helped me when I've moved and worked to get to know people to know my previous friends have had my back. Also blogging and such. For all she knows there's a lonely expat one valley over who would love to be buddies.