@Crank I think you're so right.
Logan: "It is really uncomfortable for me not to be buying other people’s drinks, by the way. That’s my preferred method: Treating other people to nice things."
This is SO at the heart of it all, I think! WHY is it uncomfortable! WHY is it not ok to go dutch? WHY do you have this urge to buy everyone's popsicles or drinks or a coffee press? Why is it on you to create this feeling that people get when drinks are "on the house"? Does it make you more fun to be around? What do you think it says to everyone about you when you don't treat everyone? Does it make you feel poor? Do you love feeling generous? Do you feel guilty that you don't share more of other things like time or attention? Do you want it to be clear that you are "pulling your weight" financially amongst your friends, and that means buying rounds of things? Is it a display of outward confidence so no one will worry about your financial situation? Could it be all of these things? None of these things?
Of all the things you have to share with your friends - wit, humor, adventures, kindness, a shoulder to cry on, fun ideas, etc - why is it displays of generosity via money that you feel like you need to share and be magnanimous about, when it's money that you have the least of?
Just wondering as I identify pretty strongly with your struggle to stay on top of your money, and this theme of wanting to buy things for other people keeps coming up again and again in your posts, lady! I love my friends. It never really occurs to me to love them so much I want to buy their snack for them. Everyone shows love differently but I wonder if really unraveling that for yourself that might be insightful to you.
By sestaaak on My Last Hundred Bucks: Things That Seemed Totally Within My Means, But Actually Weren't
@Crank I think you're so right. Logan: "It is really uncomfortable for me not to be buying other people’s drinks, by the way. That’s my preferred method: Treating other people to nice things." This is SO at the heart of it all, I think! WHY is it uncomfortable! WHY is it not ok to go dutch? WHY do you have this urge to buy everyone's popsicles or drinks or a coffee press? Why is it on you to create this feeling that people get when drinks are "on the house"? Does it make you more fun to be around? What do you think it says to everyone about you when you don't treat everyone? Does it make you feel poor? Do you love feeling generous? Do you feel guilty that you don't share more of other things like time or attention? Do you want it to be clear that you are "pulling your weight" financially amongst your friends, and that means buying rounds of things? Is it a display of outward confidence so no one will worry about your financial situation? Could it be all of these things? None of these things? Of all the things you have to share with your friends - wit, humor, adventures, kindness, a shoulder to cry on, fun ideas, etc - why is it displays of generosity via money that you feel like you need to share and be magnanimous about, when it's money that you have the least of? Just wondering as I identify pretty strongly with your struggle to stay on top of your money, and this theme of wanting to buy things for other people keeps coming up again and again in your posts, lady! I love my friends. It never really occurs to me to love them so much I want to buy their snack for them. Everyone shows love differently but I wonder if really unraveling that for yourself that might be insightful to you.