On Open Thread: Parental Assistance

@andnowlights law degree, plus a master's. At a fancy university in an expensive city. Yea, it's a lot. Wouldn't do anything differently, though. It was the only path to the career I want, and with the legal job market I wanted the best school I could get. Mine is pretty damn good.

Posted on January 21, 2015 at 1:59 pm 0

On Open Thread: Parental Assistance

It's impossible to tally up all the money my parents have spent on me since I turned 18, but here are the big things. It helps ALOT that I am an only child. I went to a 4-year private college with on-campus housing and meal plan every year. I got generous financial aid, so our contribution was about 20K/year. My parents are divorced--my dad paid for the first two years (so, about 40K), then my mom took out a 20K loan for my junior year. Senior year they basically told me that they'd run out of money and I needed to figure something out. I groveled at financial aid and got about 7K more out of them, then took out a 13K loan myself. I worked for a couple of years in college, but that was mostly fun/books money. Summers I got jobs/research grants. I did AmeriCorps for a year after college, but it never felt like a financial strain because my parents would regularly float me money. Things changed in a big way around this time because my mom married a very generous and pretty well-off man. My stepdad has given me $40K/year for 4 years of grad school, which I'm finishing this year. I've taken out loans for the rest, so I'm leaving with about 145K in debt, plus the 13K from undergrad. This could have been much worse. Throughout grad school, my dad has direct deposited $125/month into my savings account, plus cash gifts here and there. My mom sends me $200/month, even though I've repeatedly told her not to. She says it makes her feel good. I buy my own tickets to visit her, but she and my stepdad always buy me things I need. In the past couple of years, they've bought me a laptop and a lot of clothes (like, designer suits for job interviews that will last me a very long time). This is in addition to Christmas and birthday presents--usually around $500 each. As if that wasn't enough, my mom and stepdad have taken me and my fiance on two international trips in the last couple years, all expenses paid. Oh, and my mom pays my phone bill. I didn't need to type this out to recognize that I am incredibly privileged. It's interesting to reflect on just how much my mom's remarriage has affected me, even though I didn't grow up with my stepdad. My parents are professionals, but we were never rich when I was a child. There were some hard times, especially around the divorce when they fought bitterly about money. I'm glad I grew up with money awareness because it gave me good financial habits, but I'm also incredibly grateful for my stepdad (and his money). Mostly, it unburdens me from worrying too much about my mom, who doesn't have the best money management skills.

Posted on January 20, 2015 at 10:23 pm 1

On How Living at Home at 31 Taught Me Nothing and Everything About Saving

@Aequorea Victoria My issue is not with her living with her parents in order to save. What bothered me was her defining success as being able to quit her job to work on her screenplay and take vacations. How nice for her! Not sure how anyone could call that success, though.

Posted on January 20, 2015 at 2:09 pm 4

On How Living at Home at 31 Taught Me Nothing and Everything About Saving

Yea....I don't know about this. You absolutely don't need to define success in traditional terms like marriage or homeownership, but this is a pretty low bar you've set for yourself. The only reason you're able to enjoy the "success" of being able to do what you want, when you want is because someone else is footing most of your bills. I'm not saying you need to feel bad about where you are right now, but I don't think you're doing yourself any favors by pretending it's A-OK.

Posted on January 20, 2015 at 1:44 pm 4

On Adjusting Your Life to Your Partner's Career

Yea, my man and I talk about this all the time. I'm finishing law school and have a job in a city that is the best place for my career, but is not ideal for the type of medical residency he wants. He is ranking his preferences based on this city choice because we want to be in the same place after many years of long distance, and because he is a true partner and feminist. I do hope we keep up our commitment to an egalitarian relationship. Mostly, I worry that I'll be brainwashed by motherhood and forget all the cool things I wanted to do in my career. I'm less worried about his career slowly phasing mine out. I feel like it's in my control, but maybe I'm being naive.

Posted on November 24, 2014 at 6:29 pm 0

On On Engagement Ultimatums

@deathcabforcutes just because it's romantic, I guess. I'm a little bit traditional, but not so traditional that I want him to decide by himself when we're ready for marriage.

Posted on October 21, 2014 at 4:13 pm 0

On A Drunk Stole My Kale. You Won't Believe What Happened Next!

I had my purse snatched in a foreign city while I was busy making out with an ex I had reconnected with. All my cash, camera, and photos from 20 days of travel were gone. The purse was found in the men's room of a bar, and the owners were able to track me down by my hotel key. I was elated to have my license and other important cards back, and to not have my identity stolen.

Posted on October 21, 2014 at 4:09 pm 1

On On Engagement Ultimatums

Yea, I don't understand how you can date someone for years without talking about life goals, timelines, and practicalities. What DO you talk about? I think if you and your partner are communicating properly, you shouldn't need an ultimatum because you'll both know where you stand. Also, romance and practicality are not mutually exclusive! My bf and I have been talking marriage forever, and job/location realities prompted discussions of when we should formalize our plans. We decided to get engaged within the next 6 months, and went to look at rings together. He will ultimately choose the ring (now that we know my taste) and surprise me with the proposal. This suits us :)

Posted on October 21, 2014 at 12:47 pm 2

On The Cost of Calling Off an Engagement

I can't believe both women gave back their engagement rings! If the giver of the ring calls it off, the receiver should DEFINITELY keep it.

Posted on October 10, 2014 at 3:28 pm 2

On Two Weddings, One Summer

I'm shocked that the bride had the foresight to warn you there would be nothing for you to eat, but not to place at least one veggie option on the menu.

Posted on August 29, 2014 at 11:19 am 0