Summer birthdays suck more for the people having them! I tried to invite people over to eat and hang out for my birthday this year, nothing expensive or hard on people, and all but 2 people were like "sorry! I'm out of town doing something awesome," or didn't reply to the invite at all. It was the worst failure of a birthday thing I've had in years, and I'm now thinking I should just sit at home with my husband for my 30th next year because even thinking about trying to host something for a "milestone" birthday and having nobody come makes me want to cry. Anyway, it's easy to get out of giving gifts, just say it's summer and you have something better to do.
@SkipToMyLou Even six months seems like a lot if you have to work! Maybe if you have a job with flexible hours or a private office (or a dedicated space for nursing if your employer is large enough) that's difficult but doable. But what if you're in a customer service job without any extra office space to dedicate, and with your only legal break being a lunch break? Do you just switch to formula when you head back to work, or try to fight with your bosses to give you more breaks and close off some space even though it screws up everyone else's schedule? A bunch of people have told me "oh you can pump at work!" and I'm like "....I'm really not sure how that is going to work." This capitalism thing, man, it's a drag sometimes.
@taylorqlee The big things are the hardest to change, though. For example, moving out of the high rent area where I live would require either spending all but $100 of the rent differential on commuting costs (plus an additional 3 hours a day), or finding one very well paid or two decently paid jobs to support a household of 3 somewhere more affordable. How do you apply the rule in cases like that? Just "move somewhere with lower rent" is not a good saving money solution if it cuts off your ability to earn income at all.
This is kind of terrifying. What happens if you don't get back in time, or if the baby gets hungry early? Does he just cry or is it somehow physically dangerous? Asking...for a friend....
@kbn22 I find that kind of thing easier to decline than weddings, I guess because I feel so flattered to be invited to weddings that I usually genuinely want to make the effort and expense to go. But an expensive birthday dinner or a weekend trip? I find it very easy to say, "I'd love to, but I can't afford a trip right now," or "I wish I could, but I can't make it that night - I'll propose something soon, I'd love to hang out with you another night!" (Sometimes I think it's easier to let people think you have plans than to say "I blew my whole food budget on groceries and now I have to cook at home"). In fact, I just did the second one today....
$100 for 16 scoops of ice cream? That's over $6 per scoop! Who would pay for a $12 two-scoop ice cream? (I say this but I know that some places, the smallest size of ice cream costs $6. Sad times.) Also, Ben & Jerry's did this years ago. It's called the Vermonster. It's basically just a bucket of ice cream with a ton of toppings.
@potatopotato I hear you, I really do.
I just turned 29 and feel like I have a year to get my shit together, but I'd also be happy if I ceased to care so much about that. I'm moving in two months, having a baby in three, hopefully finishing graduate school in nine, and the big, big question mark is "can I get a real, grown-up job by the time I turn 30"? Given that pregnancy put a cramp in my plan to find a better (i.e. permanent, salaried, benefits-eligible) job this fall, and that finding new professional jobs seems to take around a year for a lot of people...I'm thinking the answer is "no." Some not giving a fuck would be ok compensation. (Hope this makes those of you worrying about career advancement and buying houses feel better though. Those aren't even on my radar!)
I'd like to put a different cast on this: sometimes people don't wind up long-term ABD because of a failure, whether their own or the system's. Sometimes they wind up long-term ABD because they found BETTER THINGS TO DO. I'm ABD in a department where it's possible to finish within the time you have funding (six years max), provided that you have a cooperative committee, no major health or family issues, and no other huge life stuff gets in the way. That's a really big "if," so it's just as common for people to take seven or eight years as six. But the people who take nine, ten, or never finish at all? They're not people who've had more major life issues. They're people who've decided to move to another state or country to be somewhere they want to be, gotten jobs of some sort to help make ends meet that wound up leading to more rewarding careers, and just generally decided to move forward with their lives even if it meant putting the PhD on the backburner. I really admire them - I'm on the hopefully-six-year, still full-time track just out of inertia and risk aversion, but I think being willing to make major changes to your life and follow that path to new, unknown places is a lot more courageous and interesting than just plugging through the PhD as quickly as possible.