@Stina I definitely agree with just maintaining a working relationship with her. I'm already laying the groundwork for a congenial but independent living environment so we can get along but not hang out all the time. @samburger thanks! the tooth is still a bit sensitive but I'm thinking/hoping that's normal for a few more days. it was a good excuse to avoid the roommate to "sleep it off" though :) "only a program director" also totally made me laugh! @beastlyburden I love the idea of just saying "Wow!" and walking away, but I don't know if I'm brave enough! oof. @Catastrophe Waitress she is American and from Rhode Island. I'm wondering if some of my prudishness in talking about it is because I'm a NH Yankee. It's just so bizarre. She does seem really young in a lot of ways though, so I'm wondering if it's because she's the baby of her family and isn't used to this? (this = basic human interaction/respect) Who knows
@andnowlights you are so speaking to my heart on that. the scientist I work for is one of the top in his field in the world. and is brilliant. and is just a year older than me. It's like UGH what am I doing with my life?! definitely a struggle.
@LookUponMyWorks I'm trying to be charitable. I feel like the first conversation over dinner was maybe her not realizing I was uncomfortable but the comment about "It's more money for you than it is for me" is feeling a little bitter. I'm a bit more prepared now so if it comes up again I'm probably going to say something. @kentuckienne thanks! It's good just to have my feelings validated by others too. I can't tell if I'm just being extra sensitive since I've been living alone for awhile now. @Allison THANK YOU! I could see if it was her first apartment but I totally felt like a freshman moving into my dorm room in college. @andnowlights yeah, the just an admin thing really got under my skin because I already have my own issues about my job and self-worth (The admins here aren't really that respected). I'm so glad that you feel valued and integral at your job! It really makes a huge difference.
@andnowlights going to bed really early on Friday nights is one of my favorite things! I always end up having so much more energy and motivation to do things on Saturday.
@hollanding it sounds like you ate all the delicious foods this weekend! Good job! :)
@PicNic ps - sorry for the stupidly long post! I am just obsessively thinking over this and you guys seem like the right group to chime in :)
I didn’t do a Friday estimate because instead I was getting a root canal. Woo. The roommate moved in and things got a little weird but here we are. Friday morning root canal and then farmer’s market to buy everything ($30). I stopped at a bakery near my house on my way home and picked up a milkshake (obviously) and a ham/swiss croissant ($10). Then I took another valium and slept the rest of the day while the roommate moved in. Saturday I wasn’t feeling great so decided to try on every piece of clothing in my closet and everything that didn’t fit went to goodwill. I dropped off 3 garbage bags full of clothes (some with tags still on. I can’t even.) I stopped at CVS to pick up candy for the office (my turn), milk, and lemons because I wanted to make the blueberry lemon loaf from Joy of Baking (I put in too much lemon) ($7). I also stopped at dunks for coffee ($4). Sunday I cooked lunch for the week and awkwardly sat in the living room with my roommates boyfriend and dad while her mom and sister unpacked and decorated her room (she’s 28 and this is not her first apartment – is this weird? I felt like it was a little weird). No one spoke to me for the 3 hours they were there. Total spent: $51 Anecdote about money and people being weird. I’m totally comfortable talking about all of the details of my financial life here at the Billfold, and with some friends, however things got really uncomfortable when talking about money with my new roommate. We went to dinner last week and she said “I’ve been thinking about this a lot – you must make a lot of money to be able to afford this apartment on your own. How much do you make?” and I didn’t want to say (?) so I said “not really since I need you to move in and help out with the bills.” She asked a couple more times for a specific number so I ended up lying (!) and said $48k, thinking since she’s a program director for a nonprofit she would be safely making more than me (why does that matter?). I was too caught off guard and uncomfortable to just say “I don’t want to tell you” and for some reason saying that felt confrontational. Well, apparently I gave the wrong answer because then she said “that is so messed up! I’m a program director and only make $42k and you’re just an admin and are making more than me.” I was pretty offended with the “just an admin” part but let it go. I hoped it would end there but then Saturday night we were talking about who is more technologically savvy (we need to set up a TV and new internet thing) and she mentioned that she spent $600 on her big flat screen tv and said “I know it’s not that much money, but it kind of is.” And I replied that it is absolutely a ton of money. Then she said, “well, it’s more money for me than it is for you.” I said it was a lot of money for anyone and then changed the subject. I’m really hoping this doesn’t become a thing but I think she talked to her boyfriend about it because he also made a comment about me being paid very well. I’m glad I didn’t say what I really make ($55k) but I’ve also been thinking a lot about why I felt so uncomfortable. I shouldn’t feel like I need to lie about how much I make, or justify it to anyone (and realistically for my city it’s not even that much!). Have any of you experienced this kind of awkwardness? How do you deal with it? (Hopefully better than I did!)
@LookUponMyWorks thanks! It's definitely been A Week. I'm looking forward to a super low key weekend to get everything back to normal :)
@LookUponMyWorks oh no! Awkward emails are The Worst. rip it off like a bandaid, you'll feel so much better after. Well, there might be pangs of awkwardness for like 5 minutes but then you'll feel great
@ThatJenn I really like that mentality! I think once I'm done with this roommate fiasco I'll try to change my "One Thing" mentality. Maybe one thing I've been putting off, balanced by one thing I could do to make myself happier healthier etc.