On Concerning Eschewing Ivies and Raising Working-Class Heroes

@siege91 You don't need life skills if you went to Princeton. That's the whole point of going to Princeton.

Posted on July 23, 2014 at 5:18 pm 3

On Concerning Eschewing Ivies and Raising Working-Class Heroes

@Josh Michtom@facebook I would be very interested in this kind of discussion.

Posted on July 23, 2014 at 5:14 pm 0

On Trust Fund Babies: They're Just Like Us?

This is relevant to my interests, as I'm about to marry a trust fund kid. It raises a lot of questions I never thought I'd have to consider, like how we expect to share the money with our hypothetical future children, and how we share our own finances as a married couple. It's interesting, actually! The prenup process was fascinating. I feel like my own struggle to work and save and build a career (out of necessity) has shaped me in a good way, and I want our kids to experience some of that. It's also inspired me to think about our country's values with regards to work, because clearly we respect people who work regular jobs even if they don't need the money. Why is that?

Posted on July 23, 2014 at 12:40 pm 0

On Pre-Nups: Maybe Necessary, Necessary, Offensive, or Harmless?

I'm getting a pre-nup because my future husband has a lot of family money and it's what family money people do. We're about to combine our lives, and his money is about to change my life in a big way. Suddenly the imperative to "work to survive" will be completely gone, and I'm still coming to terms with that. But if I decide to take any leaps of faith and start a business or become an artist or something risky like that, I want to know what I'm risking. I like the idea of a pre-nup because I'll KNOW what will happen if we divorce, and whatever that is, I can make a plan to avoid the poorhouse.

Posted on June 13, 2014 at 11:58 am 2

On Does Success in One Area Mean Failure In Another?

I think this idea is probably the most apt when you have kids, and I can't speak to that now. Right now I can focus on all of those things (family, friends, career, health)–I just can't give 100%. I don't consider that "failing," though. There's a lot of middle ground between being wildly successful at something and failing at it.

Posted on June 12, 2014 at 3:08 pm 0

On What Cake Are You Wearing?

Our wedding cake is one of the few purchases I feel conflicted about. It's not 3K, but it's more than $7 a slice ($8.50, I think). I worry that it's too much in general, but we can afford it. I worry that we're feeding the wedding industrial complex monster, but we're also supporting a small business owner who works out of her own home. The one thing I don't worry about, though, is whether or not it will be good. It will be delicious, and delicious dessert is important to us.

Posted on June 9, 2014 at 1:10 pm 2

On Dear Prudence: Mom Making Daughter's Wedding for a Do-Over for her Own

@ATF Ohhh, hang on! I totally understand your pain as I'm in wedding planning hell, too. I am also 35! A big part of the problem is just all the STUFF there is to do and all the brain power you have to spend making decisions. Who knew that one party was so hard to pull together? We actually hired a planner to take care of a lot of that stuff, and while she's been super helpful, she can't make our choices for us. In fact, I think that sometimes she gives us additional choices to make that we wouldn't have considered otherwise. But the families. The families! Everyone is so happy and so excited to help and so sure they know exactly how everything should be. I am getting so many "you must's" and "helpful suggestions" that it's making my head spin. Also, it's tough because both families want to contribute something. The wealthier family (his) is just overwhelming us with contribution (a fancier rehearsal dinner than we'd do ourselves, a brunch, a wedding gift already, contributions for flowers) and my parents are feeling a bit left out of the process, so now I feel like I need to come up with something for them to do, even though they've actually helped a ton. And, like you, my retired teacher parents just gave me a too-big contribution that was super generous and concerns me, though to be fair, they will be well cared for by their children. Some of it is fun, though. There is a lot of joy in my life right now, and I do love pretty things.

Posted on May 20, 2014 at 5:46 pm 0

On The Torture of Giving Critical Feedback at Work

I'd like to read something from the other side of this - what it's like to GET critical feedback at work. How do people handle it? For personal reasons, right now I really want to read about people who have been humbled and how they've handled it, rather than about hyper-competent overachievers who reached management level by age 25. I realize this wasn't a hyper-competent moment, but it's better than being on the other side of that conversation.

Posted on April 14, 2014 at 3:54 pm 0

On Anderson Cooper Has His Own Millions, Thank You

A lack of inheritance AND cultural capital/family connections have not made me more successful and motivated, Mr. Cooper. It's made me risk-averse and lowered my expectations for myself. I've worked my way into a decent career and decent salary in spite of my background, but I couldn't bring myself to take the risks that are necessary to try for the kinds of gigs that lead to millions. I can't afford to lose what I've gained, and all I really want is some security and comfort. You would be totally disappointed to have my pretty-good middle class life. Ugh. I would definitely take that inheritance and the privilege that comes with old money (though I'm about to marry into old money, so you better bet I will be giving my kids all the opportunity and security that I didn't have).

Posted on April 2, 2014 at 3:28 pm 3

On In 2014 Our Government Is Still Filing Retirement Paperwork by Hand

@guenna77 That's true. I also wonder if the quality of developers is beside the point. The amount of privacy risk involved in these kinds of projects is off the charts. Given how much bureaucracy and red tape is involved in government projects already, I can totally see why this doesn't get done. I think a lot of developers would be shocked by the number of approvals that are required for this kind of thing.

Posted on March 25, 2014 at 12:43 pm 0