The "it costs more, but isn't it worth more" argument is infuriating. It reveals a complete misunderstanding of peoples' economic realities. Or a complete disregard for those realities.
@madrassoup In the book, boss lady's marriage is fine. It seems unfair that such a mean and terrible person can still maintain a relationship, but it's also realistic. I kind of hate how the movie changed that part, because it smells like backlash.
I think having an egalitarian relationship means that you both compromise and bend for each other, whether you're compromising over career or something else. I've witnessed so many relationships where the man won't bend at all, and in order to stay together, the woman has to give something up. The career example shows how this dynamic plays out, but the dynamic isn't necessarily always about careers. Sometimes people don't have meaningful or interesting careers, and maybe all of us* should prioritize our jobs a little less and make more room for each other. *As long as lives aren't on the line or anything.
Unfortunately, many of us have NO IDEA what any career is going to be like until we try it, especially when we're young and inexperienced. At that point, we don't even know what we'll like in a workplace and what we won't. It's a process that continues over a lifetime, it seems. I am discovering (late in the game, mind you) that I don't love lots of meetings and arguing and influencing, which spells trouble for my UX design career. I picked UX because I like technology and design and psychology, and I can get into a mad flow state when doing projects. But I wonder if I need to work in small shops and avoid the big companies where each team is fighting for resources and each team member is fighting for their own conflicting goals. Dunno. But if I did other jobs, maybe I'd find out that "fighting for x" is a part of every job, and I just need to suck it up and do it.
On Burning Out
@The Dauphine This is why I think that we need more than just a vacation when we burn out. Vacations last 1 week, two weeks tops. We come back to a full inbox and catch-up work. The resulting stress completely eliminates the benefits of the previous time off. I don't know the solution, other than "quit job, start a new one AT LEAST a month later." On a related note, I just burned out of my job, and left it to move to another state without a new job lined up. People are constantly asking me if I'm looking for work yet. I'm not! I'm not quite over my bad feelings about my last gig, and when I am, I will start looking. Although I think they mainly ask because it's an easy topic of conversation.
My problem with buying things as part of an experience is that I become attached to those things, since they now hold special memories for me. Then when it comes time to move or deep-clean my apartment, I can't get rid of them and I now have even more stuff to carry around with me.
@Birches @Birches I have a number of female co-workers with good, high-paying jobs who are also raising children and who also manage to find time for other things besides work and kids (like hanging out with friends). They are inspirational to me, because I want to have kids but fear giving up life's pleasures for the privilege of tending to an ungrateful tiny person. I've asked them about their lives and they say they have to give up some things - namely regular exercise and a clean house or certain hobbies - but it's not a life-ruiner by any means. I need to hear these things, though, because as much as I want 3-4 more years of child-free living (I just got married a month ago), I'm 35 and don't have a ton of time left to procreate.
On Fall Fashion
You just described the outfit I'm wearing right now. I work at a fashion retailer. I feel ashamed.
Once again, as a 35-year old (1979), it is unclear whether I even count as millennial or not. What is the Gen X net worth? Who should I compare myself to in order to feel better/worse about myself??
@jalmondale It's weird, but is my workplace the only place that uses these criteria literally? We only have "meets," "exceeds," and something that = "doesn't meet." If you are totally reliable, do a good job, and are well-liked then you get a "meets." You really do have to do something extraordinary to get "exceeds." I think it's because my team is full of amazing people who are all reliable and really good at their jobs, and management is not given the budget to give them all raises all the time. It's great for the company but can end up pushing out good people who feel they aren't being properly rewarded for their good work.