@faceifer When I see relationships that appear soooooo dysfunctional, my only thought is, "he/she must be REALLY good in bed." But at this point, maybe a gigolo and a housemaid 1x/week is more cost effective?
@beastlyburden " He’s happy because he has enough, but would he have enough if she weren’t in the picture?" Ding ding ding! He says he doesn't have a car -- is this because *she* has a car and they both benefit from using it? Yes! Also, when he says "she wonders how her bills are going to take up an entire paycheck" -- they're *his* bills too! He's definitely living far beyond what his paycheck can afford him, and if she's cool with it, great. But he's trying really hard to avoid stating the reality of the situation.
Obviously there's more to this relationship than this piece lets on... but this is dripping with privilege/IDGAF to me. If you're in a relationship where someone far out-earns the other person, it really needs to feel like a partnership. He might be going through all the motions of a team player by taking care of the home, but she might feel like long term he has no game plan, and that's what's breaking this. I also think that choosing to go down this path indefinitely without any show of big ambition can stunt his growth as an adult in her eyes. Choosing to go to grad school and likely put himself into debt that his partner would likely help paying down, all while acknowledging that there are no jobs on the other side? So then what is the point of it? Another costly decision just to follow your passion? I could accept significantly out-earning my partner for now, but it just raises soooo many long-term concerns. "Is he making any moves toward us being "equals"? Am I always going to be bankrolling his career choice? What would happen if I was suddenly out of a job? Is he only with me because I support him financially?" Not light thoughts! It's a lot of pressure to bear to be the primary breadwinner, and maybe taking care of the home doesn't totally make up for it. Maybe you do need to get out and try to find another job. It's highly unlikely that freelancing is the only way to make money at the "only" thing you're good at. Nobody is good at literally only 1 thing. It's just that you're not trying at anything. (Ugh so rough, but big boy pants on if you write on the Internet, right?)
Some of those suggestions are fine by me, but I generally get annoyed at the piggybackers and the "I totally get what you mean, but my way is better" folks. In trying to sound "nice", they come off even worse! There are times when I come into a conversation thinking my way is the best way, and I was taught at work to "come from curious". That means, if someone disagrees with my way, instead of formulating a rebuttal, I ask a question -- "can you explain what part of my method you consider inefficient?" etc. Sometimes you'll realize that neither of you had come up with the best method, and it took 2 minds to come up with the best idea!
@Julie the T Yeah I tried that too. It's like the article just poofed from the Internet.
I really want to read the article but the link is redirecting to something about toilet parks in India? grrr...
You are incredibly talented at this job-hunting/negotiating game! Us data analysts are in high demand, and it's nice to have the upper hand in most scenarios. I agree with other commenters that companies are jumping at the chance to hire you because data analysts are really expensive -- I've seen some with your (and mine) length of work experience command wayyy over $70k/year. And the market will bear it! If you love data analysis (I do!!), stick with it. You stand to make a good chunk of change, and very few people can crunch numbers in a way that the average joe can understand.
@qwer1234 Agreed; I think that if you've done your research and all and come up with your range, and you get an offer that meets or exceeds your range and it feels good, part of negotiating is knowing when not to do it. I got an offer that was exactly what I wanted (granted, I had started the talks with a ballpark range of what I was looking for), and since they met it, I signed the offer without trying to squeeze them dry. I probably left $1-2k on the table, but I know my market and I know that I'm getting paid handsomely compared to a lot of my peers. Also kudos on negotiating just for the principle of it! I like to show people (men) that women are not necessarily meek and we do bring the big guns when it comes to money.
@meatballsub I hate it when they say "this is all we have", like they offered you their max salary right off the bat. Nobody does that, and if they do, they suck at negotiating! I think appearing flexible can help, e.g. "I understand if you're set on the base, but can you offer a signing bonus/relocation package/commit to yearly bonus/salary increase of x/extra benefits"-- I feel like this signals to them, "listen, I know your game, don't lowball me". And my dad (who does this for a living) told me that sometimes the budget is the budget for the base, but there's money to play around with for other things. Sometimes if you get a sucky offer, bide your time ("I need time to go over the package/the offer is on the lower end of my range so I need to evaluate the full deal and get back to you").... Making them sweat a little and wait could be torture if they really want you and put pressure on the HR person to step it up with the offer. If they have fire under their ass from the team who wants you, they might cave a bit.
I honestly don't think that many people can "spend without worry" -- the only ones that come to mind are gold-digging trophy wives spending their husbands' money, and even they worry about money (what if he loses his fortune? who would I marry next?). Even rich people worry about their investments, their high-paying jobs, etc. In order to streamline my spending, I've started playing a game with myself that basically consists of hyping up a potential purchase and then hyping myself to walk away from it. If I can walk away from the reaaaally cute earrings at J. Crew, I win. (And I allow myself to come back for them if they get marked down.) The bigger the hype/desire for the purchase, the better I feel when I walk away from it. It's curbed my spending A LOT. Turns out a lot of stuff we really want or think we need or can rationalize spending money on... we just forget about it a few days later.