@fletchasketch Maybe my current situation colored my interpretation of Megan’s conclusion differently. I don’t think she’s trying to say that being unprepared for financial difficulties is a mature way to go about life. Her examples (like unexpectedly losing your job/insurance) really are things that can happen to just about anyone. She also points out that she doesn’t ask for anything her parents can’t give (and didn’t actually ask for the loan on the laptop, either). I think her point is that it can be difficult to distinguish what’s reasonable vs. simply mooching, and we shouldn’t be too hard on ourselves for accepting help sometimes, if we are lucky enough to have help available. She’s acknowledging the uncomfortable feelings that arise from it. “It’s okay to ask for help when you need it, even if it hurts your pride and makes you feel like an insufficient adult.” If you’ve never been in that position, it’s hard to distinguish how much you can attribute that to your own responsibility, and how much is merely a result of privilege/luck. Thanks, sincerely, for your sympathy and well wishes :)
@fletchasketch I am 30 and I ended up moving into my parents' basement last month after ending a 3+ year relationship. Prior to that I had been on my own since I graduated from college. I gave up my (turned our) beloved apartment 6 months ago when my ex bought a house. Had I known what was going to happen, I obviously would have kept my home and stayed put! But since the relationship ended, I was going to be a couch surfer *somewhere* for a bit no matter what. Now my parents are generously offering to let me stay, rent free, for as long as I want. I don't NEED to stay with them. I can still afford my own place, and trust me, I would love to feel more independent in the wake of this huge blow to my life plans. However, staying with my parents offers me an unanticipated opportunity to do something more productive with that would-be rent money. I could have my remaining 7+ years worth of student loans paid off in the next 2. I could have enough for a down payment on a house a year after that. My parents wouldn't be giving me a penny toward any of it, or any of my bills, or possessions - just a roof over my head. Couldn't I make the argument that in my case, the more adult thing to do would be to take them up on it? Like I said, it's not that I require my parents' help. I can afford to go back out on my own and do your version of "adulting" any time I want, but is it actually more responsible for me to? As much as I dislike the idea of living in a basement for the next couple years, I honestly think it's the smarter choice - it puts me in a much better position to live an independent life in the long run. Does that make me less grown-up?
@Chris_HHH My boyfriend and I have a joint checking account that is primarily for utilities and groceries. We also transfer in and out to facilitate paying each other back (like if I put a vacation on my credit card, or when I owe him for half the mortgage payment). There's usually only a couple hundred dollars in the account at at time. The rest of our incomes and expenses are separate. I have student loans and he does not. Right now since we're not married, I am paying them back on my own. We haven't explicitly discussed what we'd do about them assuming we do get married someday. My best guess is that he'd want to contribute at least some of his income to them, since the sooner they're paid off, the better for us as a couple. However, I've had my degree since before I met him. I knew what I was getting into when I took out the loans on my own, and it wasn't a decision he was involved in. Because of that, I personally would be okay with keeping the loans as my own expense if he was unwilling to help me pay them off. I think in the end this is the kind of thing that very much depends on the couple and the circumstances under which you took on the debt. Hope that makes sense!
@the_kate @fleetweek Ditto!!
@garli True. But where this particular article was about money in the context of a relationship, I would've liked more of that context and how they work through the issue, rather than simply stating it's an issue they tiptoe around. @milena Hahaha also true.
@milena You'd think there has to be more to the relationship...but he never mentions it. He only ever talks about her in terms of the money she brings home, and as a potential burden to his lifestyle because she might actually flat out say she wants him to plan for the future someday. That's another thing that really bothered me about this piece. He makes it out to be more like a parent-child relationship than a romantic partnership. I have to wonder what makes the relationship so special to her beyond his housecleaning skills. I can appreciate that he concludes "we're working on it", but reading about HOW they're working on it would've been a lot more interesting to me.
I was excited to read this article because I was expecting something completely different from it. My boyfriend and I, though the gap in our incomes is not nearly threefold, are in very different financial places. He dropped out of college to chase his dream career, makes more than I do, has no student loans, and recently purchased a house. I attended a prestigious/expensive university, went through my life savings and into credit card debt after losing my job a few years back, and have about 7 years to go on my student loans. Our salaries are close enough that we split rent and bills 50/50 once he moved into my apartment, even when I was still paying off credit cards, and even though my loans eat a significant part of my take-home pay each month. Now that he is a homeowner and technically my landlord, money has taken on a whole new dynamic in our relationship. Trying to reconcile this new imbalance in our relationship has been hard on both of us for different reasons. Anyway, I was expecting to read either something I could empathize with (as the less financially successful one trying to contribute to a more even ground), or something that could help me relate better to my boyfriend's position of having the upper hand when it comes to money. This was neither of those things. Just couldn't identify with his attitude that he'd rather live with her discomfort than sacrifice any of his own happiness to bring them more stability as a couple. Felt more like "When one person rides on another person's earnings under the guise of a relationship"...
@megsy Season 5 was the worst. I basically stopped watching when Vaughn left, and caught the last few episodes when he came back. Had to see how it all ended at that point. It had been SO GOOD in the beginning...
@cryptolect Yes, I loved Dollhouse! Liked it better than Firefly even. But not more than Buffy. Never more than Buffy. <3Joss
On Open Thread
Earlier this week I had a bunch of allergy testing done - the gross injections in your arms to see how bumpy you get type - and reconfirmed for the 4th time that I am still allergic to pretty much everything under the sun. The doctor is strongly advocating weekly shots. This was recommended to me as a child and a teenager, but it always seemed like too much of a hassle. Plus, needles? No thanks! But this time I'm starting to think it might be time to bite the bullet, especially since now I have a cat who I am NOT getting rid of. However, I have no idea what kind of costs might be involved. Does anyone out there have experience with allergy shots? I know much of it depends on your insurance, but mine's not very clear about this. Will I have to pay an office visit copay every time I get a shot? In addition to shot preparation, and shot administration? Is the preparation done for multiple shots at once? Like the thought of a weekly shot isn't stressing me out enough in and of itself, I'm really concerned about how expensive this has the potential to be...