On 'I'm Outraged About the Cultural Disease That Spawned This Tweet'

@Fig. 1 I think it's a bit presumptuous of you to assume that I don't spend my internet reading time "stretching my brain." I'd actually read this article and a flurry of related posts since the initial tweet and haven't even tipped my hat to my opinion on the matter. Just thought this seemed a bit shoehorned into the site in an attempt to cash in on a controversy.

Posted on February 26, 2013 at 2:12 pm 0

On 'I'm Outraged About the Cultural Disease That Spawned This Tweet'

How does this appropriate for The Billfold? Surely this is better suited for Splitsider.

Posted on February 26, 2013 at 1:35 pm 0

On Bizarre Job Interviews

So, I'm browsing the "ETC" section of Craigslist late last night and I see an ad seeking a "Personal Assistant/Video Gamer." The add went on to state that the hiring "family" needed someone for Mon-Thurs work and a good sense of humor and interest in tech would be a plus. I had to send out at least a cursory email. This was probably a joke/scam/trick but I went for it anyway. I banged out a charming and HI-larious cover letter and resume email. Somehow, I got a response that night and she (the employer) informed me she really liked my resume and letter and there was, in fact, no catch and that she'd contact me in the morning. The next day (today) I get a facebook request from this woman and alarm bells are still going off so I research her name and info. There's quite a bit of Hip-Hop info and slang attached to the twitter handle, facebook page, and website of a middle aged white woman. However, there do seem to be legitimate ties to the entertainment industry (my field of choice) so I'm on board. The first half of the day I keep getting fb messages from her about scheduling a time for me to "come by the house and check out the setup." I can be there after 2. Great. Ok. I'll see her then. Although kinda nervous and overdressed (leaving right from my temp job) I raced out to Bel Air. No, this is not a Bel Air. I actually went there. This is to foreshadow to you, the reader, the indescribable wealth I would encounter. I wound the drive and went through a gate into a cliffside private neighborhood. After buzzing her house and going though another gate, I pulled my car into the driveway between rows of "murdered out" Denalis, Range Rovers and what I can only refer to as "drifter cars." Around the corner sat a Ford GT and Lambo. In front of me loomed the biggest house I had ever seen in person in my life. Two bronze modern art statues towered next to the door, jutting 25 feet into the air. A stern looking guy in his early 30s opened the door. "You here to see _____?" "Yes, I have an interview." "Come in. I'll take you upstairs to her." I entered between these mammoth wooden palace doors and immediately thought of the movie "Blank Check." This mansion looked as if it had been decorated by a 16 year-old who had just won the lottery. Next to me was a life-sized statue of Freddy Kreuger wearing what, according to the adjacent plaque, were the clothes from the original movie. On every wall, in each of the foyer's surrounding room, were 100 inch flatscreens, seemingly larger than my car. And straight ahead of me stood a monolithic aquarium filled with sharks, and what I later found out were piranhas. I was led upstairs. My temporary companion opened the doors to ______'s bedroom antechamber and I walked in. She was thankfully clothed, so I had dodged my first bullet. She then proclaimed, "We're just rolling a blunt. You mind? Want some?" I politely declined and told her (truthfully, I might add) that I normally would, but I was taking a drug test for another company with whom I interviewed. In the room with us was a Hispanic gentleman in his late 20s and a semi-famous rapper in his early 40s. The Latino excitedly grabbed a package from the guy who led me upstairs and started unwrapping it, excited that his laser had arrived. He then pulled out a gun and started disassembling it to attach this new feature. Meanwhile, I'm greeting my host and doing some very casual shit-shooting, trying to suss out what the fuck it is I'm needed for here. She's sitting on her bed fucking around on her laptop surrounded by about 100 FAO Schwartz type stuffed animals. The realllllly expensive ones. Giraffes, Pugs, Stewie Griffin, you name it. The Rapper gets up and starts showing me a stack of 360 and PS3 games. I'm asked if I like them. Yes. I do. While I'm talking about some of the greater moments in Gaming 2010, a jungle cat comes out of nowhere and starts aggressively nuzzling my arm, soon to be followed by what looks like a lynx. They're friendly so I don't mind. Then one notices the now functioning laser on the wall and does its cat thing. I'm handed the gun to give it a go and play with the cat for all of 2 seconds before nervously handing the gentleman back his weapon and worrying about my fingerprints. _____ and I chatted about my background and what I want to do. As I was aspiring to get into talent management, I was told I'd be introduced to all the right producers and directors and execs that I need to know. (Her facebook photos seem to back that up). I mention something about interviewing with CAA and everyone in the room looks up like I just scratched the record and exclaims "CIA!?" nervously. We all had a laugh over that one. I'm also told I'll be taken on some trips and to Comic Con,E3, etc. When I ask what I actually have to do, I'm told "Just whatever she wants, get groceries, feed the animals when she's not here, come hang out and play games." Somewhere in the course of this convo I'm told in brief passing that her money comes from real estate. I have my doubts. I'm given my first task, which is to help them access a game they downloaded on the jailbroken PS3 in the room. (By the way, it's one of ostensibly 30 PS3s or Xbox 360s in the house.) I have an Xbox and I play games legally so I'm starting at a disadvantage. After 10 minutes of menu tree exploration and figuring out oh-I-need-to-say-no-here-and-then-go-back-and-now-the-disk-is-the-game-i-chose, NBA Jam is up and running. The Rapper is pleased. He says "Sheeeeeeeeit," I say something about The Wire, and his nod and laugh from across the room tells me I've just earned my hood pass. After spending about an hour talking (and really learning nothing) up in the bedroom, I motion that I'm heading out, and serious guy from downstairs is called up to walk me out. We go down a different set of stairs and I see 2 more loaded guns just hanging out on easily accessible surfaces. I get to the door and as Serious closes it behind me, he says "Have a good one. We'll probably be calling you really soon." I drove off with my adrenalin racing and never heard from them again.

Posted on January 10, 2013 at 3:56 pm 1