@tussock I am seriously seriously considering leaving academia. I have a great research job at a university. I don't want to leave for the tenure track or a post-doc and take a huge pay cut while doing 3Xs the work. I need more money if I EVER want to live with a safety net and I can't find a research job in academia that pays more than I currently make. I constantly have to talk myself out of panicking over this.
@CMD+click Me three. I have no idea how to budget for groceries/food/eating out. I am ALWAYS over my goal. Maybe I just have to accept that I consider cooking/eating a hobby and - therefore - am always going to buy the more expensive stuff. Like, my boyfriend and I will plan our weekends around making a special meal. I don't even go nuts doing all organic, etc, but if there's a hormone-free package of chicken sitting there, I'm getting it.
@orangezest The self-care thing is a really good point! I'll feel guilty about spending on certain things for months, and then finally I'll just admit to myself that I'm always going to spend money on X every month, then I'll add it to my Mint budgets and adjust other budgets (i.e, the ones I typically don't spend the entire budget amount) if necessary. Then I don't have to feel guilty about it b/c I know it's there for specific purpose X.
Thanks for publishing this list. I belonged to an academic organization that holds a huge annual conference that had to be moved to Las Vegas at the last minute b/c we don't cross picket lines. I don't know the ins and outs, but I assume the move to Vegas was because it was the only place that could accommodate the conference on short notice (being just a few months in advance). It was kind of weird walking through a smoky casino floor while on the way to give a talk on my dissertation, but I had a good time!
@lp917 I think the really troubling thing is that renting vs. owning is not - and never has been - a deep dark secret that we all carry in the depths of our hearts. Do you rent? Or do you own? Very straightforward. No excuse for lying, and it's not a little white lie that we all sometimes use to spare someone's feelings or keep them from worrying. There's just no reason for a lie like this other than the fact that he wanted his wife to think he is someone who he is not. I find that really disturbing. I guess lots of people are okay with it too. Maybe you have to be burned by one of these people - or watch someone be burned - for it to raise your ire.
@@fo Maybe the word "substantial" made it sound like I think people who rent out their condos are rolling in dough. I didn't mean to give that impression at all. I just thought it would be an amount of money that would be large enough for a spouse to notice.
@Vincennes You're right! I forgot about the whole subletting thing.
@Cnj Right...if you rented out a condo, that would normally be a substantial source of income. There would have to be so many more lies to cover this up...like, creating a renter out of thin air for instance.
@Louise Belcher Disagreeing SO SO HARD as well!!! Maybe because I just watched a friend going through a disastrous divorce with a lying cheating narcissistic dirt bag. One of the things I learned when it started falling apart was that they had not bought their new fabulous home - as he had told everyone - but were renting it. I'm not sure if she was deceived on this point, or was just complicit in the deception. Where there's smoke, there's fire.