"People don’t get jobs. People are given jobs. Any discussion of 'why don’t you just get another job' must start from there." Yes, yes, and yes. A lot of people don't understand this: older people who have not been job-seeking in a rough economy and weird entrepreneurial sorts who like to foist themselves on employers who don't necessarily want it. I can be the best person for the job, but I have to convince them of that and there aren't very many convincing ways to say, "I am the best person for the job." It is up to the hire-er to choose me. (Please don't give me "convincing" methods. I know this isn't an absolute, there are lots of tactics, "create a job for yourself," freelance; this was the practical reality for me and practicality doesn't always include all possibilities. I don't want to have that debate. If you want to have it, go ahead, but I won't be joining.)
@Eric18 1. I'm assuming some sarcasm was involved. 2. I don't see the generalization you see. I see, "this financial experience is a factor in a man's choice of political party alignment because it meshes with their political platform which I happen to disagree with."
@nell The Toast recently covered a few articles about this dichotmoy of "do what you love" vs. "get them bills paid" in terms of employment. This article reminds me of it. How aware is the author of his privilege? Does he care? http://the-toast.net/2014/03/31/read-bunch-unicorns/
I don't think I would be on board with the author's attitude toward money and the income inequality in his relationship based on this article. But this is only a glimpse. He seems to simultaneously scoff at conventional employment while acknowledging that doing so is rude to his partner. I'm moving in with my boyfriend soon, so we've started having the money-talks. He makes more than me and I think we are both open and laid-back enough about it that it won't be a problem. It doesn't ultimately matter what I think about the author's attitude toward shared finances with his partner who earns much more than he does; what matters is how she feels about it. If she really is okay with it, then it is okay.
@Lily Rowan I am with you for being That Person. A particularly thoughtful gift is the right answer, in my mind. Expensive obviously doesn't make sense, but a different sort of generosity works. Favors, handmade, exactly the right cookbook, etc.
This is such a big problem. Even with good insurance, I have had so much trouble. A lot of the problem was that I had a lot of bad treatment before I found a psychologist and a psychiatrist who worked for me, liked me, actually helped me improve, and didn't make me sicker. It took ten years. If I found them sooner I might have started improving sooner instead of getting sicker and sicker for those ten years. It wasn't finding people who took my insurance that was so much the problem, it was finding people who wouldn't psychologically abuse me in "treatment". (Intentional? Bad luck? I'm a massive jerk? I don't know, but it happened and it sucked and I'm glad most people don't have to deal with that.) There is so much energy required in navigating this that it is nearly impossible for someone who can't get herself out of bed to eat. Having done this, I always advise/offer that the person have someone to advocate for them: make appointments, deal with insurance, be a sounding board to judge whether therapy feels bad because it is working or because it is not working, whatever they need. When I was working and paying for everything on my own, it was ~$400/month for me out of pocket after insurance for a psychologist, psychiatrist, dietitian (eating disorder), and medication. I was making $25k a year, so that was almost a third of my take home pay. I was living with my parents (not good for my mental health) and had massive student loan debt I was also paying.
@aetataureate Oh no! This makes me sad. I hope that this is not what is happening. I love you, Logan! But also: take care of yourself even if that does mean leaving us.
I go back and forth on this. I have a ton of stuff. I live alone in a two bedroom apartment. The big bedroom is my work room for sewing and bookbinding. I have a huge cabinet of flatfiles and three bookcases mostly full of supplies. I pared down my hobbies (though the bookbinding is career-oriented) to books and sewing, but it still so much. I have a ton of stuff, but also I use it. I am minimalist when it comes to the things normal people have a lot of (clothes, media, electronics, I assume), I just have weird stuff. I have this pull to be minimalist, it just doesn't work with the things I do.
@emmabee Same thing happened to me. It started around $70,000, slowly went down toward $2,000 (actual number!), then shot up because of that wealthy vegetarian.
@la_di_da I have a cat who likes to wake me up periodically through the night, so I slow cook at night. Instead of wandering around twiddling my thumbs for a few minutes before the meowy one will calm himself, I check on the food.