@clo yes, we don't know what his situation is. But if he's getting his Ph.D. in experimental music, he's already getting paid for what he does, because (at least if he goes to a good school -- and I don't think the bad programs usually have Ph.D. programs for this) those schools provide stipends and full tuition. Then, after the Ph.D., the experimental classical composers I've known have already had residencies and commissions. It's not a stable income that is exactly the same from month to month, sure, but it's not like being in a random rock band without a label, guys! These are all terrible analogies to make about somebody! "unambitious slackers" -- you've got to be kidding me! He's got a lot of advanced, rare skills and there are people willing to pay for them at this level. He'll make some money -- he just won't make financier-level money. But there's nothing wrong with having goals in life that are more important to you than earning the most money you are capable of earning.
That Tucker Max book is pretty close to the line already. I once fell asleep on an airplane between New York and Dubai, and someone left a Tucker Max book about negging and picking up women *propped *on *my *sleeping *body * for me to find when I woke up. (I guess it's a slutty thing to do to fall asleep on two seats of an airplane as a young blonde woman not fully head-scarved or escorted by a man?) It was incredibly creepy. The stewardess and I shared a look of grossed-outness when I gave it to her (and told her the story so that she'd keep an eye out for me).
@notpollyanna oy vey! I think it's more -- after dark, try to keep people in sight/in front of you, not behind you where they could hit you over the head, and try to project decisiveness and confidence in the way you walk. Also, look into people's eyes when you need to learn more about them, and the emotion you feel coming from them when you do that will give you a clue as to their intentions. & that way not only do you seem less like a potential target to the predatory people out there, you are also more likely to have occasional good experiences like the one Logan had here!
@applesbanana haha, some of us could spend more on cooking with amazing groceries and ingredients than on going out to some crummy restaurant. But I know what you mean. They don't necessarily have to disclose everything about their finances. Just come up with an open and transparent budget that covers the expenses that they share (as well as the existence of an emergency fund, for the emergencies that might cause one to want to borrow from the other). Lots of couples have "private" funds of money that they do whatever they want with, without running it by the other partner, just to preserve some autonomy -- and know that they each have those private discretionary funds, and make it part of the overall budget maybe, but don't share the details.
The grandfather was being hard on you. Maybe it's not a sign of a wide vocabulary, but it's completely FINE to say "c'est bon," which can mean a lot of things in different contexts, including "shut up/please stop explaining, I've understood." It's not necessarily sexualized at all. Maybe he thought you were saying "c'est si bon." That one is a little sexualized, but only because of old song lyrics.
@vanderlyn another thing people sometimes forget: real estate may be pricey in New York, but you don't have to acquire, insure, maintain, or buy gas for a car, which definitely offsets apartment prices for me (even given the cost of monthly subway passes).
Trying this out for the first time. Friday: biggish grocery run for 2: $100 Saturday: a workday, but probably buying iced coffee ($2-2.50) Farmer's market: $20 Sunday: excursion somewhere improvised with my husband, and probably lunch out: $40 Monday: working in a cafe in the morning, buying at least 1 coffee: $3 Monday: trip to the movies, $18 total: $203, most of which covers the weekend for 2 people. That seems cheap! We'll see how it really goes.
If it's a close friend, I pick something really nice, but if it's not a terribly close friend or if we have grown apart a bit then I go ahead and amuse myself and pick the most ridonkulous thing that they have chosen and put on their own damn registry. Most recently, I bought somebody a devilled egg platter (with little holes scooped out for the egg bottoms so that's all it can be used for) and these little devices for frying perfectly circular eggs so you can make home-made Egg McMuffins, and I still laugh about it. In my clueless 20s, I bought someone a paper shredder thinking that was hilarious but now that I am older realize it's quite useful, so joke's on my (and I'm glad). I try not to take these things too seriously, otherwise the wedding-industrial complex gets depressing!
@Caitlin with a C that's so smart, the gift card so they can get what they most want of what wasn't bought on the registry!
@Mackenzie Kelly@facebook ??? Plenty of people interview for a new job while they are still at the old job, and there's nothing wrong with it. It's usual practice.