@Tuna Surprise Agreed, this person is ridiculous. One "yearlong fellowship" apparently does not a lawyer make. Signed, a lawyer since 2007
@rorow My husband and I have a prenup. I don't even remember who brought it up, but we think of it as more than merely a bet on the marriage not lasting. For us, it defines the ownership of property within our marriage -- for example, once we were married, I had to stop trying to get priority on using the car, since though I owned it before the marriage, now we owned it jointly. Same deal with our salaries. And then the prenup also happens to specify that inheritances can be set aside from our joint ownership regime if you follow certain steps. This might be a way to make the prenup more palatable and make clear that you're not against sharing salary money or other property, but that there is simply something special about money handed down from a family member.
@pernickety Also -- I don't know much about divorce law/loan consolidation/bankruptcy, so I'm speculating, but if she can't find the original loan paperwork that lists these loans, what if she made the argument that: (1) this is a Department of Education-consolidated loan; (2) therefore the original loans were education loans; (3) the education she has is a B.A. from a state university, which would only cost $x, maximum; (4) her ex-husband has more much costly education; and (5) since the amount of the loan is greater than $x, the loan is not from her education. Maybe this only shows that some portion of the loan is from the ex, but better than nothing. Is there a way to make this argument?
Is there a way to get the child support increased? It seems like she's calibrating her expenses on her children to the child support she receives very carefully (3/8 of the rent + 1/2 the childcare + 3/8 of utilities + 3/8 of groceries + 1/2 medication + 3/8 internet/cable = $1524.88), but clearly that's not enough to pay for presents, clothes, summer childcare, etc. The mere fact that she has to ask for clothing donations seems like a powerful fact to to cite when asking for more child support. I also wonder if there are organizations that would help her negotiate the legal system so she wouldn't have to pay for a lawyer.
I do not have kids and so have not had to put my money where my mouth is yet, but one thing that appeals to me about sending my kids to private school is that I think parents of private-school kids, because they are paying for their kid's education more directly, can be more (successfully) demanding about getting what their kid wants and/or needs. For example, if my kid was really good at math and was too bored in their 4th grade math class, I'd ask the school to let my kid attend the 5th grade math class or opt out of the 4th grade math class entirely and spend that time doing self- or tutor-directed math out of workbooks. I'd be surprised if I couldn't get something along those lines in a private school, but I have the feeling (and would love to hear others' experiences) that public schools are less likely to cooperate.
@Critty Pryde@twitter I'm not sure how this can be true, since I added the costs you gave (using 50k for the wedding itself, 3.5k for the rehearsal dinner and 1.4k for San Ysidro Ranch room for two nights), and the total is $71,382. This doesn't include your bride's dress, shoes, hair, makeup, nails, outfit for the rehearsal dinner, bridesmaids gifts, any bachelorette expenses, or the wedding bands.
@deepomega I think the point about hating the game and not the player is a good one, but I can't get 100% on board with it, because: (1) The writer appears to be educated and intelligent and possessing of an internet connection. So he is not or should not be ignorant of problems with diamonds, the Wedding Industrial Complex, etc.; and (2) if we absolve everyone of all individual responsibility, then the problem is reinforced by those people and we get nowhere; and (3) it would be different if he expressed a genuine, personal and strongly held preference for chandeliers in tents and Tiffany diamond rings that could plausibly be separated from the preferences of the Wedding Industrial Complex, but he doesn't. This is in contrast to the fancy ties, which seems so much better, since that's clearly a personal thing.
The paycheck with my name on it is bigger than the one with my partner's, but I consider that he earned every dollar with me, and he does the same. We motivate each other to do our work, we bounce ideas off each other, and we provide emotional support on the bad days. If I was to keep money separate, I would feel like I was stealing it. That's just the nature of our particular relationship, though. And we're not blind to the risk of divorce -- we have a prenup that provides that everything is owned jointly doing the marriage and everything is split 50/50 in the event of divorce.