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On Coping Mechanism
No hairy spider for ANY amount of minutes will lessen THAT fear.
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On Paying to Clean Clothes In the Dry Way
That photo of Seinfeld is so fitting, as the first thing that popped in my head when I read this was "You ever get something on your clothes and scratch it off with your fingernail? THAT'S drycleaning."
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On Gain Professional Success by Pretending to Be British (But Don't Actually Be British, Because: Green Card)
"Bridget, we fucked up utterly!" Possibly favorite line.
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On Drafting a Letter to Sallie Mae
@Lauren I know Shakespeare's a dead white guy, but he knows his shit, so we can overlook that.
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On Pixie Cuts: The Right Financial Choice for Your Head
@MilesofMountains I loved mine too! I felt pretty badass with it. I like how long hair lets me have a different style any day if I want one, but boy did I spend a lot less time worrying about my hair when it was short. Pixie cut, I miss youuuu.
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On The Best and Worst of Visiting My Parents' House
6. Costco-sized boxes of cereal.
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On How to Be a Genius in the Produce Aisle (Like Me)
@Megano! Red Delicious are awful! So bland!! Spartan apples 4eva.
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On Meeting the Neighbors
Ughh, the guy who lives across and one door down from me gets drunk & yells to himself in Russian (or something). Or he watches movies at the LOUDEST possible volume. Neighbours!
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On How To Get Whatever You Want From Customer Service, Painfully
"Orange you going to give me a break by zipping this through the credit card machine? Come on. You can do it. Zip zip."
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On Be a Mooch But Not Too Much of a Mooch
"And when I'm rollin in the Benjamins, I will throw you and your dog a bone!"