@Brunhilde Thank you! I actually just added up what the whole shebang cost and got a little dizzy, but it was a lot of fun and Dad paid, so fuck it! And we have a LOT of alcohol left. Well, did. Last Sunday we drank all of the leftover champagne in mimosas, watched the Hawks, and ate frittatas (it was glorious) and I have been making my way through the wine. Liquor was pretty much toast by the end of the night, though.
For more cost reference, here is my breakdown: Seattle, early September (high season), about 85 ppl Venue (including ceremony, day-of planner, cake, and catering) - $8,500 Officiant - $300 Stationery and postage - $775 Photographer (digital images, no prints or albums from them) - $1700 Band - $1750 Hotel suite for 3 nights and late night room service - $700 Flowers - $600 Transportation (family, wedding party and out of towners) - $1100 Beer and booze - $775 Wine - $800 Rings - $550 Suit for him and ties for wedding party - $500 (I think?) My dress and jewelry - $1000 Gifts for wedding party - $250ish Primping for me - $200 I honestly have no idea what the rehearsal dinner cost but it was really nice and included all of our out of town guests (around 45 ppl) and was generously paid for by my in-laws. I refuse to add up those numbers because I know it will equal a ridiculous amount.
@jfruh The general standard for a full-service wedding planner (not just day-of) is 10% of your costs. For example, she showed you a short list of 3 venues that met your criteria, you pick one that costs $10000, and she gets everything sorted out with them, so her fee is $1000 for that. Which seems insane, but I wish I had the cash to delegate a lot of that shit out. Luckily for us, the place we had our ceremony and reception was AWESOME (restored ferry boat from the 20s in the middle of Seattle) and includes a day-of event planner to run the show. A lot of caterers will also include a day-of coordinator person for a small fee ("small fee") if you ask.
@deepomega Bands aren't that expensive! Use gigmasters.com. You put in what you want (including price!) and they send it out to all bands that meet your criteria and they contact you. Within about 4 days of our listing, we got 8 bids that came with detailed prices, youtube accounts to see them play and hundreds of reviews from past events. We got an awesome band for the whole night for around $1700 altogether (tax, tips, all that jazz), which was only a few hundred more than a DJ. Yes, they did play some of the cheesy wedding music (Shout!), but that's what Aunt Alice, Mom's college roommate, and your bar friends will all be dancing to. Also, the band leader MCed the whole shebang and learned our song for the first dance, which was awesome.
@TheclaAndTheSeals I second that! As evidenced above, there is so much judgement towards spending too much, spending too little, your MOM! pays for that?, that could buy a house!, etc. Thanks for putting it out there. I've been to weddings that cost $5000 and ones that cost $100,000 and there really was not that much of a difference between them. When I started planning ours, my dad (who mostly paid for it, so.) said the only things the guests care about, after basic food and shelter, is a happy couple, music, and copious alcohol.
@Natasha Vargas-Cooper@facebook Definitely for the dollars. I also have no problem with letting those I love pay for shit I need sometimes.
@Natasha Vargas-Cooper@facebook Then why isn't he the F? At least give me something interesting. F=Franklin M=Hamilton K=Jackson
@Vicky Johnson@twitter I would be pretty cranky if I looked like a guy with an island full of dinosaurs and had no dinosaurs to speak of. Hmmm...someone needs to ask him what his amber investments look like...
@bacon It was a sum that was agreed to, but in the midst of the divorce, moving expenses, and definitely the economic downturn it got used so he is figuring it out as it goes and I will allegedly get the rest of it (the money was mine to do whatever I wanted with it, didn't quite work out as such). I don't plan on getting the rest, ever, but just want to cover what I already am in for. We live on the opposite coast from all family and most old friends and are having the wedding here. Almost everyone had already booked plane tickets and hotel rooms, by the time I realized how shitty it was. I can waste my/his own money, but don't feel comfortable doing it to our nearest and dearest. Also, it isn't the greatest impression of the relationship to all if we bail on the wedding 2 months out. But I am cutting costs down where I can and have evaluated my savings to see if I can swing it if need be. But I am quitting my job and moving for my fiancee's job in 6 months, so the savings is VERY important. Also, it is my mom's money, too and she would be furious if I let him ruin this, too. It was part of their divorce agreement that he pay $x toward the wedding. But, six more weeks and it is done with!
Ugghhh. My parents' divorce was finalized yesterday, and I am getting married in a month and a half, so the downsizing of $$ and expectations in divorce are very relevant to me today! Fortunately, my dad is paying for the wedding, out of a lump sum that was saved up for and agreed upon a long time ago. Unfortunately, this puts me in the position of being the only family member currently speaking to him when I would rather tell him to go fuck himself (cheating, lying, disease-giving asshole). Before I realized how bad and acrimonious things were between them, I had already put down deposits and obligated myself (and others' significant travel expenses) to the event as planned, so scrapping it and eloping, which I wanted to do in the first place and take the cash, is no longer an option. And he got mad at me for my supposed lack of family involvement during some tough times (!), so has stopped paying bills for the last month or so, and I just can't bring myself to call and grovel. I want to just ditch him and pay for it myself, but that will involve debt, and my #1 requirement for the wedding was that I would never go into debt for it, so I am sacrificing morals for finances, but thems the breaks. So, I appreciated this and how hard it is to adjust to new family and financial dynamics at the same time. Just because you have had an easy go of things money-wise and have been able to do some amazing things because of that security doesn't invalidate your hardship in realizing and adjusting to the new situation (there is a statute of limitations here, for sure, though). But going through this has certainly solidified my commitment to being able to provide for myself, so I don't have to compromise myself again, just because I need money from some asshole. Now let me make a phone call to grovel for money from some asshole.