@guenna77 I can't tell if these are sincere questions or if you intend to sound really snarky, but I'm going to assume the former. Synagogues are generally delighted to have non-members at services. The only times when they issue tickets to members and check would be for Rosh Hashannah and Yom Kippur, which not-coincidentally are the only times each year when a lot of Jews attend services. Synagogues are packed to capacity at High Holy Days services, and issuing tickets is the only way to ensure that members get to go. At any other time, nobody will check your membership at services much less turn you away. Generally, you'd have to be a member to enroll your kids in religious school or to have a voice in shul governance or to join groups like the sisterhood, brotherhood or various study or social-justice related groups.
I don't have a paid lunch, so if I go out for lunch I have to come in an hour earlier or stay an hour later. If I eat at my desk, I'm at least officially still on the job. Also, there's really no good place to go around my office for lunch. There's some fast food, but it's pretty gross. Brown-bagging is a no-brainer for me, but I might feel differently if I had a different set-up.
@Aconite So I'm a white person who did move to a low-cost small city, and I don't see this as guilt-inducing. I see it as someone talking about her life, and I see it as a useful corrective to my tendency to forget sometimes that I have the privilege of not worrying about things that other people have to worry about. I had lots of concerns when I decided to move here, but whether it would be emotionally (or physically) safe for someone of my race was not one of them. That's sort of the definition of white privilege, and it's an example of how that privilege is invisible to those of us who have it. I don't think that we should have conversations that pretend to be universal but that really are only relevant to white people, and that's what's happening when we discuss moving to cheap small cities without asking how that experience would work for people of color. I get really defensive sometimes when people in big coastal cities snobbishly badmouth the Midwest, but I don't think this is the same thing as that.
If you guys all move to Des Moines, we are totally having an Iowa meetup. That is all.
@TheDilettantista OMG, bras. Bras are a nightmare. Last time I checked, BraSmyth didn't carry my size, because they don't have bands below a 32. I am in the dreaded below-32 band, above-D cup territory, and I have to mailorder all of my bras. I can tell you exactly how much every bra I owned cost. Today I'm wearing a Panache Porcelain T-shirt bra that I got from Zulily for $25. The day that Zulily had decent bras in my size for $25 was one of my more triumphant days this year.
I honestly couldn't tell you the price of anything I'm wearing today, and I don't think I bought anything I'm wearing today within the past two years. I think my sweater may be like ten years old. Do most people remember how much most of their clothes cost?
Is it cheating to be one of those dudes who doesn't help cook and doesn't help clean and spends the whole day sitting on the couch watching football while a bevy of women and girls create a lovely meal for him?
@crenb When those dude bros talk about "female privilege," I think they typically mean "women whom I want to screw who are not interested in having sex with me." They're not talking about, like, the 95% of the female population whom they don't currently want to screw and therefore don't consider important.
Ok, that's interesting, because I met a guy yesterday who had celiac and said that the hardest place to be gluten free was in Boston, because there were tons of people there who were gluten-free because it was trendy, not because eating wheat gave them terrible neurological symptoms, and they weren't concerned about whether their gluten-free products were truly gluten-free. He kept eating supposedly-gluten-free stuff that actually had gluten in it. He said that it's easier to avoid gluten in the town where I currently live, where there is some awareness of celiac but not a lot of trendy gluten-free stuff. Here, when things say they're gluten-free, they're generally not going to have issues with cross-contamination.
I used to live in Hyde Park, a fairly rich neighborhood on the South Side of Chicago that borders a lot of not-rich neighborhoods. There's a particular block there, on Harper between 58th and 59th, where people go completely nuts decorating their houses for Halloween and then announce that anyone is welcome to come trick or treat. Kids come from all over the South Side, and it's a blast. Maybe the letter writer just needs to adjust her attitude and see it as a community event, the way people on Harper do.