Basically what I am saying is that I just imagined my kid anonymously venting to strangers on the internet 10 years into the future about the complexes I've given her on a myriad of subjects AND I AM TELLING HER FROM THE PAST THAT I AM SORRY.
My daughter and I were talking about this the other day! In the situation with her dad and I, I'm the one that struggles more financially. He recently bought a house in a trendy neighborhood with furnishings straight out of pottery barn catalog while I just moved into a small two bedroom apartment in a lame area with hodgepodge furnishings. Her dad and I work hard to be supportive of whatever is going on with the other house and that hopefully reduces any inherited tension on her end, but there's no getting around the guilt you feel as a parent when you're in the lesser situation. I try not to let that seep out, but no one is ever 100% on their game. Even if I were, she's old enough now to jump to her own conclusions. I've had direct conversations with her about my financial situation versus his, but there's a big difference between transferring guilt and providing an opportunity to learn. There's a lot of responsibility to give your kids these essential tools or whatever to survive on their own, but (if you're like me) you're still figuring this shit out yourself! Plus, there's not a whole lot of time between when they can really grasp these concepts and when they have to start applying them. Not even factoring in the period they're going to tune out whatever you say anyway. It seems like the author turned out more empathetic as a result of growing up this way, which is not a terrible outcome. I also have a hard time owing anyone anything, but I attribute that to the environment I grew up in culturally.
AHHH I ALREADY HAVE TOO MANY BOOKS TO READ, but am buying this anyway. I can't turn down a good bohemian memoir set in the 70's. Also, this is the second book I've purchased this week as a result of a Billfold recommendation!
@Michelle You are a genius.
This is totally up my alley, going to pick it up at Powell's today!
I had a situation the other day where I was going over old grocery store receipts and noticed that on one particular trip they charged me twice for a $10 bottle wine -- I never buy more than one bottle of wine at a time so it stood out. I thought about getting a refund because the grocery store I bought it from has notoriously great customer service, but decided it wasn't worth the trouble. Good reminder to double check receipts.
Wow, this is so sad and scary. Thanks for compiling and posting this.
Yeah, it's like she's creating an unnecessary obstacle for herself. A really sad one! Ideally we all want to be the best person we can be when looking for love, but in my experience, that's just not how it works. I also grew up with parents who struggled financially, I didn't graduate high school or go to college, had a kid by the time I was 18, and for extra icing on the cake I also happen to be a minority. (Where's my BINGO prize?!) I've lucked into jobs where I made a decent wage, more than many of my peers who went to college, yet I've never been in a situation where I felt like my lack of income was turning away potential suitors or friends. And if it did, I don't know... I guess I feel pretty indignant about it, like, YOUR LOSS. On the other hand, whether or not a guy has to take the bus or use food stamps has never been a deal breaker to me. I'm more interested in what's going on in their head and how they make me feel when I'm around them and hope for the same in return. Maybe that makes me incredibly naive? If it does, reading this made me grateful that I am.