The dudes and dudettes at Tomorrow Mag have published exactly how all the dollars they collected to make their magazine were spent, including how much they paid themselves. This is revolutionary! AND WONDERFUL! Look at this excellent spreadsheet that they have shared with us.  My one QUIBBLE is that I wish there was a breakdown of “Snaxxx, $68.09″ (WHAT KIND OF SNAXXX) but other than that, it’s pretty great.

Just in case you woke up this morning sure that the brilliant and very original solution to your money woes is to become a sex worker—I mean, it’s worked out so well for our sample size of two—may I please direct you to “Behind Closed Doors: An Analysis of Indoor Sex Work in New York City,” a report put out by The Sex Workers Project. Read that. It’ll take about an hour. Pay special attention to the chapters on “Violence,” “Robbery from customers,” and “Police interactions,” but you know, of course bad things would never happen to you, so instead why don’t you actually just skip those and focus on “Finances.”  This is not a solution to any of your problems. (Duh?) Duh.

The Huffington Post reports that one-third of the middle class expect to work through their EIGHTIES. What I want to know is, don’t they know they can just, like, make an app or come up with an idea for a sick startup? I mean, that’s my retirement plan. “DUH.”

Ed Sim compares his college job of selling CutCo knives door-to-door with this current gig as a venture capitalist. HE FINDS SOME SIMILARITIES.

If you want to read about some of the fancy food available in startup cafeterias in Silicon Valley, that is a thing you can do. (Falafel waffles, fois gras, kobe beef, Google’s “world renowned” offerings, you know the usuallllllllll.) I’m sitting next to an open package of Jello Pudding Snacks  that I got from the 99 cents store so I’m not really feeling that jealous, but maybe you are? Love the life you’ve got.

We all have business plans. What’s your business plan, William Foster?

I am opening a food cart in Portland, Ore. It’s called Apples & Water.

MENU
apple: $1
water: $1
apple+water combo: $1.50

FAQ
Will you offer compostable cups?
Water will be served from a hose. No cups. All you can drink.

Will there be a variety of apples or just one type?
There will be apples and water.

Can you get 2 apples for $1.50?
No.

Is there a special price for an apple apple water combo?
That would be equivalent to buying an apple+water combo plus one apple. That costs $2.50.

Can I hollow out my apple and use it as a cup?
I see no problems there. Yes.

When I was in Costa Rica I got coconuts from a guy on the beach who would chop a little hole in the top with a machete so you could sip the water out with a straw. After I drank that I filled it back up with beer so I could drink covertly on the bus. Can you hollow out the apples and fill them with beer?
Once I have your dollar, what you do with the apple is no matter to me.

I meant you as in YOU, not the proverbial you. How much to hollow out my apple and fill it with beer?
Do you see beer on the menu?

I don’t see a veggie burger on Burger King’s menu, but they have them if you ask for one.
At Apples & Water, all cards are on the table. And there are only two of them.

What is your aesthetic vision for the cart?
I’m shooting for something like this.

What kind of apples will you offer? Because if I give you a dollar and you hand me an inappropriately and deceptively named “Red Delicious,” I will be furious.
I already answered that question. And don’t you dare try to incite an apple riot.

Do you take returns? What if the apple has a worm in it?
If you turn in the bunk apple at the time of purchase, I could consider offering a voucher for your choice of one (1) free apple or one (1) free water, but it would be on a case-by-case basis.

What about discounts for the elderly?
No free rides. I don’t care how old you are.

William Foster is an entrepreneur. 

I’ve been planning to GET RICH QUICK by launching a website for, oh, ages. (Also: THIS DOES NOT HAPPEN, FYI.) (LIKE, NOT EVEN IN THE SMALLEST TINIEST BIT.) (FACEBOOK WAS JUST THIS WEIRD THING THAT HAPPENED, TOTAL ANOMALY.) (ALSO, IT WAS A THING AND NOT A BLOG, BUT LET’S NOT GET CAUGHT UP IN SEMANTICS.)

Anyway: This is one of the many domain names I own and that I now need to make a decision about! I believe this one was purchased during a moment when I thought: “I know, I’ll start a website about helping people and monetize it somehow, and even if I don’t end up doing that, this is such a brilliant URL that someone will surely approach me at some point and buy it.” The “monetize it somehow” part is really the crux of the thing. Also the “starting the website.” Also the certainty that this is worth something.

Really, the easiest part of the whole process is buying the domain name. I was going to just leave it and see what happened (would it auto-renew? Would it auto-cancel? Suspense!) but I just realized that it’s probably connected to one of my credit cards, so I’m logging in right now and getting rid of this thing. (I’ll never let go of FUNDSIES.com though. NEVER.) (But I will switch its auto-renew to my debit card.)

Friend and hero Heidi N. Moore has a super easy-to-understand and also cutting analysis of what went wrong on Facebook’s big day (hint: LOTS). There are some fun things to be learned about how IPOs work, which is good, because we’re all going to need to know what to do and what not to do when our own sick startups go public. Step one: Don’t do secret and illegal things. Step two: Do everything Facebook did, but opposite.

I’ve had 13,000 sign-ups. Ten percent used The Birdy for longer than a week. Last month, I introduced “freemium,” so users can pay $4.95 a month for extra features, like setting budgets and tracking income. A few dozen have signed up so far.

Besides getting more paying members, I hope to sell anonymized data for targeted marketing, advertising, coupons, or partnering with other companies. Companies like Starbucks are interested in people who mention buying there often––that X number of people in a metro area spend Y amount daily on their coffee.

—Corey Maass started a service called The Birdy that emails you each day to ask you what you spent (people always be trying to help us figure out what we are spending, JESUS LAY OFF). ANYWAY, the service  might work for you if other things like spreadsheets and Mint have not, so you should read this interview in FastCo for that reason if you’re interested in this kind of thing, but also: Maass explains his plans for monetization of his startup and that is SUPER INTERESTING.

After a delay, it’s off to the races for Facebook’s IPO. A lot of people just got real rich. Good for them. Follow along here, if you care.