We have already made some of the decisions that are defining what kind of lives we can lead, and the sum of these choices is expressing itself again, now as adults, and in big ways.
Job searching while you have a job is a tricky thing to navigate. While it doesn’t feel good to be dishonest with your coworkers, you also don’t want them to think you’ve checked out—especially if you end up being there a while! The sad and uncomfortable truth is that it’s quite normal to have a period of deception while you hunt for other jobs and fake doctors appointments while you interview.
Hi! I have a question for your Grindstone series: The etiquette with references.
The thing I dread most about work is attending events like trade shows, all-day business meetings, or ghastly “networking opportunities.”
“We think you’re great and we’d love to offer you the job,” the woman on the phone told me. She trailed off momentarily before resuming again, “but we’re not sure there’s any way you can take it. But, we thought, ‘maybe she has a rich husband.'”
I am a very self-motivated and occasionally anxious person, which means that at work I’m often in good shape in terms of my to-do list while simultaneously feeling quite worried about getting everything done. As I’ve gotten further into my career and taken on more responsibility, I’ve also worked longer hours, and have started to use more of my free time to think about work, to respond to emails in off hours, to delay outside interests, and to sacrifice good habits (like getting more exercise or making time for breakfast). This soothes the consistent feeling that I am somehow not doing enough.
My friend Rebecca and I have an expression for when someone says something at work that immediately makes us react with defensiveness, anger, or frustration. We call it “getting a puffy tail.” (Yes, we are cat owners). As in, “When my boss said I’d have to redo the report I just finished, my tail puffed so hard…”
In Lean In, Sheryl Sandberg describes an encounter with a woman she works with: the women describes wanting a mentor that is willing to meet with her once a week for an hour to talk about her career. Sandberg responds: “No, that’s a therapist.”