On March 26th of this year I ran a search on Amazon for capitalism and my first result was Capital in the Twenty-First Century, which had come out just two weeks before. It sounded exciting (and infuriating and impenetrable) but since I couldn’t find a copy in Austin’s public library system, I wrote it off for the time and started clicking through the recommended also-boughts. I compiled a list of similar Serious titles that were available and left for my day job. Two hours later, on a break, I opened Twitter, and the top item was a headline from The New Yorker: “Piketty’s Inequality Story in Six Charts.” Was I baader-meinhoffing, or was something serious at work?
The book I had in mind would not be very good. It would be better than everyone else’s books but it wouldn’t be very good. I was aiming for broad market appeal, shameless pandering to middlebrow tastes and prose more meretriciously sentimental than a whore on wharf. The book would be fast and it would be short. It would be published under a penname. It would help me to get by.
1) Do not trust Financial Advice from a man who identifies himself as John (middle name: Stewart) Fram.
a) Young Spender, wherever you are, if you are reading this, if you hear only one thing that I, Author, tell you, if you take to heart only one of these Five Points I have prepared for you so carefully (because you see that, don’t you, Young Spender: You see that I have prepared them for you and for no one else), then let it be this: Do not trust a single word that comes from John Fram’s mouth.
Five Points of Advice to Young People on the Spending and Earning of Money, Part Four: Drugs and Prostitution
AUTHOR’S NOTE: The Author would like to make perfectly clear, before beginning, that he/she does not in any way sanction, condone, or otherwise recommend the selling of illegal substances or one’s body, and said bodily services as a means of making income. However, as outlined below, he/she does not judge those that take this path, as he/she understands that hunger is a force to be reckoned with.
Understand that there is nothing in this world not driven by the spending of other people’s money, also known as Credit.
Five Points of Advice to Young People on the Spending and Earning of Money, Part Two: Always Pay for Art
1) Steal as little Art as possible; try, always, to pay for it.
Five Points of Advice to Young People on the Spending and Earning of Money, Part One: Overdrafted Bank Accounts
Understand that no matter what you do, Young Spender, there will be occasions upon which your bank balance will slide into the negatives.