What a Pulitzer Prize Will Buy You in 2014

+ 7251.11 Euro + A new city managerA man’s watch. “‘Buying a nice watch is not about status to me, nor is it about impressing others. I am buying it because it is a beautiful creation,’” sayeth the investment banker. AskMen approves: “Besides the great choice in aesthetic, going to a brand where the timepiece is an absolute investment is the best thing Paul could have done with this amount of money.” I might not taking further financial advice from AskMen.

+ An un-retouched photo of Lena DunhamA college degree in Texas. More info here. Sorry I ragged on you earlier, Houston! + A tiny, tiny homeThe beginnings of a fortuneThe ability to coax Jonathan Adler from bedThe ability to pay off your fine for posting “revenge porn” + Um, a wife?

Yes, I am offering a $10,000 reward to anyone that introduces me to the woman that I propose to. She does NOT need to say yes for you to get the reward. No, if you yourself call and we marry, you don’t get $10,000 but you do get me. In that case, I’ll donate it to a charity that promotes parenthood as being the most important job in the world.

Or you could, you know, write The Goldfinch. And then buy a watch.