• In Impotence: A Cultural History, Angus McLaren, and leave it to a scholar named Angus, found a 17th century French midwife with a suggestion: “An enchanted husband should drink water from the mouth of a ‘young stone horse.’” (To be performed, apparently, while the horse himself is drinking.) My new favorite euphemism for horny and limp is now “enchanted,” but better yet: try “due benevolence” for sex. In the same study, “Nicholas Culpeper and midwife Jane Sharp recommended that a man, who due to magic could not give his wife ‘due benevolence,’ should piss through her wedding ring.” That can’t be good for the ring. Culpeper’s Complete Herbal was a huge influence on J.K Rowling and was the inspiration for many spells and Professor Flitwick. No word if he looked like Warwick Davis. Or if anyone had to piss through a ring to stop Voldemort. Maybe Voldemort’s whole narrative was impotence? Scholars, start your engines.
What else vexes you?
• Hemlock, for Men! So, in 19th century England some doctors recommended eating Hemlock. I guess that the idea was if you were impotent you were too embarrassed to live. Take it from The British Journal of Homeopathy.
• But impotence isn’t just for men. In The Origins of Life and the Process of Reproduction in Plants and Animals, Frederick Hollick tells us that small vaginas are the cause of female impotence and “the vagina can be enlarged or open in the female, and the only cause of impotence in her can be removed.” So there you have it. Small vaginas are the only problem ladies have. No need for a billion dollar medical industry, or for health insurance. No word on what they used to enlarge the vagina.