Reconciling Love, Long Distances, and My Bank Account

We’ve been long distance for the past six months and have three months to go. My girlfriend studies German at a university, and as a part of her coursework she had to embark on her year abroad last September. The experience has been, besides predictably shitty, interesting. Over the past few years, I’ve somehow seen a lot of friends in long distance relationships—some of whom have managed it with frightening efficiency, others who have had giant burning messes. All things considered, my girlfriend and I have done pretty well.

Sometimes The Most Important Relationship Is With Your Coworkers

My coworkers have provided for me in ways that are less quantifiable than money, career, or real estate: it’s been in venting sessions over drinks, showing up to my events, movie nights, hugs, holidays spent together, and general support.

“What About Presents?”: How My Relationship Changed When We Merged Finances

One of our first discussions about combining our bank accounts was, “What about presents?”

Marriage, Money, and Compromise

By making shopping trips together, I learned to make a list and stick to it, and he learned that it’s not against the law to occasionally splurge on an unexpected set of headphones or a Duck Dynasty loofah.

Gold Diggers And Deadbeat Dads

Any gold digger willing to settle for me is lazy or silly or both. This is New York! There are way richer ladies with way higher earning potential who probably also know how to dance.

For Poorer

As the twentieth century draws to a close, I find myself the father of three boys under five.

The youngest is born under circumstances that seem positively routine compared with our first outing. When I return to hospital six hours after the birth, my wife is dressed and ready to go, the baby packed up like hand luggage.

Moving for a Relationship and Lessons From My Immigrant Parents

In August 2011 I’d just finished a year of wobbly misery in beautiful South Korea—teaching English—and by the end of it I had several thousand dollars and nothing else. I’d gone to Korea to travel and instead found myself in a swirling pool of depression, unable to connect with most of the excited ex-pats I spoke to, and unwilling to do the work to bridge the gap between myself and Koreans. This slow melt of melancholy meant that I rarely went out of my way to spend money on things, which allowed me to save more money than I knew what to do with. By the end I needed a break, so I took those thousands and went away to bum around in Southeast Asia.

Shopping With and For My Dying Mother

If you were an anthropologist and you observed my mother’s last months, you would inevitably conclude that spending sprees are essential to the dying process. About six hours after she died, my father and I stood together at the kitchen sink, unwrapping individual pieces of silverware with shiny mocha-colored resin handles and dropping them into a large bowl of soapy water. It was a job because there were two tiny rubber bands securing the wrapping to each piece. There was similar set with ivory-colored handles in the pantry, customarily used on holidays and other special occasions.

Adjusting Your Life to Your Partner’s Career

The big career costs, like one partner quitting a job to move to a place where the other partner has a job, are obvious. But combining your life with another person’s, at its core, has a time cost.

Prudie on Having a Starving Artist for a Partner: DTMFA

Talking to the Person is almost always better than Talking about the Person, especially when the Person’s behavior is the problem.

Love and Debt in a Nearly-Dissolved Marriage

My husband should have known what he was getting into.

The Delicate Nature of Asking Your Parents for Financial Help

I have not asked my parents for very much, mostly because they’ve never had much, financially, to give. As a child, if you grow up with not that much, you don’t know what you’re missing. For so long, your worldview is only as big as the two-block radius you’re allowed to travel, and since you return home every night like a little boomerang, you only understand what it is that happens inside your house. You only understand the world within the context of what you’re living with, so when I was growing up, I understood on a very basic level that we had enough to get by.

“If the guys are hot, too, then sure, they can get a hot girl.”

Account Joined

When we got home, though, I started to freak out. Not freak out because now our money was intertwined and swiftly dwindling and SOMEONE didn’t pay the electric bill for a few months and so one of the first charges was like $200, which was historically something I wouldn’t have been aware of. No, I decided to channel my anxiety of our ever-increasing co-dependence into the fact that this account was HIS account and not mine. I was simply on it.

How I Got $1,000 Back From My Pot-Dealing Ex

I shouldn’t have continued dating Jason once I found out he sold weed. I probably should have just called it quits when he angrily threw a small McDonald’s French fry at me because I didn’t read his mind and buy a burger. And, I definitely shouldn’t have loaned him $1,000 over the course of the few months we dated.