I come to you today happy to report that I just got next time’d! Which is when you forget your wallet or don’t have enough money and a store or cafe employee tells you to pay them “next time.” I consider this a truly great honor and/or a sign that they do a shoddy job of keeping track of inventory. Do I have a very honest face — I was trying to buy a bottle of HONEST Tea, after all — or do they just not care about losing $2.00? The world may never know.
There are gradations of triumph in the “next time” and this one was particularly triumphant. Factors include how loyally you patronize the establishment in question, whether it’s the total amount or just a partial I.O.U., the degree of rapport you have with the cashier, their seniority at said establishment, how badly you want the item in question and how far away from your apartment / an ATM / your next paycheck you happen to be.
Today’s Next Time Eval:
How Loyal of a Customer Am I: Not very! I go in there maybe once every week to two weeks. So in this case, “next time” could be quite awhile from now. Bold move, bodega clerk.
I have been sitting on this for months and waiting for the right opportunity to share it. I’m not sure what I had in mind, though. Terry Gross interviewing me about my bathroom habits?
Okay here it is. This is, I feel like the most important thing revealed to me about humanity when I had a child: every baby store I have ever been inside of has a beautiful, luxurious, publicly accessible bathroom in it, and a salesperson beaming and excited to show it to you.
Land of Nod? Bathroom. Giggle? Bathroom! In the Williamsburg neighborhood in Brooklyn, Caribou Baby has an excellent bathroom. Jake’s Mini Mart, which is on North 9th St. between Bedford and Driggs, has a great bathroom right next to the register. Fancy soaps! Lotions! It’s absurd.
If being out and about in a city while having a bladder has been as much of a problem for you as it has for me, keep an eye out for crazy baby stores. After you pee you can sit in their overpriced gliders and pretend to discuss something baby-related while you enjoy the air conditioning. I did this today, which is where I took the picture of these delightful chickens, $45 apiece.