A Call To End Birthday Dinners

Screenshot 2014-07-18 11.38.42Is it just me or is everybody born in the summer? EVERYONE!!! No, but I was. Ester was born this weekend! Or you know, was born this coming weekend very few years ago. I had another in a series of birthday dinners last night and we all decided it’s because people do it more in the winter. Which, according to this hilarious piece, An Open Rant Against Birthday Dinners, means we are all spending way more than we want to taking our friends out to dinner and then resenting them for it. TRUE?

As soon as you overhear some fancy pants ask the server what kind of scotches they have, you can go ahead and mentally double what you expected to spend that night. By now you should know that this is inevitable, and so you’re left with two options when it comes to an ordering strategy: A) order a modest entrée and a beer in the hopes that at least the others around you will be peer pressured into a reasonably conservative meal (not likely); or B) embrace the fact that you will be subsidizing a few $60 bottles of wine that, if you’re lucky, you’ll catch a whiff of on the breath of someone in a goodbye hug, and order like it’s your goddamn last meal on Earth. Neither is ideal, but while option A usually leaves you poor, hungry, and resentful, with option B you’ll leave slightly more poor but at least a little drunk.

I am so happy I’m not sober and paying for everyone’s drinks when we split the bill anymore. I mean, inhale, exhale, let it go who cares, but MAN. I guess now since I can’t leave the house so bonus, I don’t have to deal with paying the bill in a large group of people? That’s one plus side to parenthood I guess. :(

Also this is hilarious:

Theoretically, the point of these things is to celebrate with the person whose birthday it is, and sitting around a huge table (or multiple tables) makes that impossible for 80% of the guests. If your birthday wish is to watch me chew things from afar, I could have saved the $110 and sent you a really beautifully produced Snapchat.

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