What DON’T We Want Sent to Us Monthly in a Box?

Once you have a baby, you have a lot more dinner parties, or at least more nights spent in mismatched chairs around your kitchen table drinking leftover white wine and sake and eating take out with your friends. On one of these recent nights at my place, a friend brought up the now inescapable trend of Monthly Boxes o’ Stuff, like Birchbox and Ipsy (cosmetics), NatureBox (snacks), BarkBox (cosmetics AND snacks — for dogs!), and so on.

Wouldn’t it be great, I wondered, tipsy on half a glass of Riesling, to have a Period Box? Once a month, it would show up, much like your period itself, only helpfully, with rom coms, tearjerker books, dark chocolate, and the occasional pad / tampon / Diva cup / whatever? My friends cheered the idea, told me I should go ahead and make my fortune. But when I took the zillion dollar plan to social media, other friends dealt my dream a boot to the face. Apparently HelloFlo and Le Parcel have already cornered the menstrual market. (Though both services are awfully pastel; would anyone pay for a more punk rock version? Just asking.)

What is this about? Do we secretly yearn for a reprieve from the limitless decisions that make up our days, Paradox of Choice-style? Do the rigorous demands of democracy make us desperate to put smaller, quotidian choices in someone else’s hands? Is it more a sense of nostalgia for the care packages of our childhoods, assuming we had care packages, or childhoods?

Regardless, our penchant for getting things in the mail is good news for the struggling United States Postal Service. We now gladly pay to receive scheduled deliveries of fancy clothes (Trunk Club, Stitch Fix) the same way we used to receive covert deliveries of pornography. Wine? Bien sur. Cheese? But of course! BBQ sauce? Duh. Coffee! Jerky! Ice cream! Check, check, double check. OK, forget food. What about detergent samples and other free crap? Yup, that too. We will even give some stranger on Long Island $10 and say “Surprise me!”

What, I ask you, is left? What will we first-world human beings NOT sign up to have shipped to us regularly for the sheer joy of opening up brown boxes? From what I can tell:

Spiders
• Anthrax
• Nazi memorabilia
• Ventriloquist dummies
• The decapitated heads of movie stars

Sez Mike, “One thing I would not liked shipped in a box is a phone, and when you turn on the phone there is a live recording of you opening the box and then you turn around and …”

Yeah.

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19 Comments / Post A Comment

EvanDeSimone (#2,101)

Ester! I would absolutely sign up for a decapitated movie star head of the month box! Don’t you know me at all? Bring me the severed head of Katherine Heigl! Deliver unto me the detached noggin of Shia LaBeouf!

Trilby (#191)

You know what would be a natural for monthly boxes– TAMPONS! A monthly selection of artisanal tampons and pads. In a discrete package. Delivered to your home or office.

Sorry, I’m not a careful reader. You mentioned tampons. Still, I put a nice twist on it.

halloliebchen (#5,373)

@Trilby artisanal tampons!

MissMushkila (#1,044)

@Trilby Tampons disguised as different mundane objects so you don’t have to hide them in your sleeve when you go to the bathroom at work!

I work from home now, but in the past I would totally have paid for that.

RachelG8489 (#1,297)

I get weekly snack boxes! Graze! I just started it a couple of weeks ago and I’m super into it so far. If people want a code to try their first box for free… I have one. I will totally share it, and you will get me a discount on my box and it will be great. It’s four little serving-size packages of interesting healthy-ish snacks, and they usually arrive at my office on Monday afternoon, which is excellent timing for the week. And they’re $6 each and I was totally spending way more than that on cookies and other junk.

I get no other subscription boxes, because I save my discretionary income for other things, but $6 a week on snacks is awesome.

samburger (#5,489)

@RachelG8489 I would try a free box/get you a discount! CODE ME UP I LOVE SNACKS

RachelG8489 (#1,297)

@samburger WL7YTXQYP go use the code! Enjoy! And everyone should feel free to use that. http://www.graze.com.

This week I got little breadsticks with bbq relish for dipping, and peppered cashews and peanuts, and banana shortbread with caramel for dipping, and “dark rocky road,” which is dark chocolate coins and dried cranberries and pecans.

andnowlights (#2,902)

@RachelG8489 Generally I am so skeptical of subscription boxes because I am so picky about things, but I have been contemplating Graze for WEEKS now, because there is nothing I love more than snacks, especially ones I can at least claim to be healthy.

charmcity (#1,091)

@RachelG8489 Ooh, I am stealing this. Snacks AND mail?

RachelG8489 (#1,297)

@andnowlights I am also super super skeptical of subscription boxes. Here’s the trick, from what I can tell: when I started with Graze, I went and searched for ingredients I hate and I “trashed” all those items from the start. That means I’ll never get anything with banana chips, for example, because banana chips are kind of gross. But I kept the stuff I had just never tried, like cashews? For some reason I had never tried cashews. Turns out cashews are pretty awesome.

Mlanterman (#6,065)

@RachelG8489 BOOM. Ordered. Thanks for the code!

RachelG8489 (#1,297)

@Mlanterman You and so many other folks! Enjoy, everyone, and thanks for getting me $1 off like the next two months worth of boxes!

HelloTheFuture (#5,275)

What would I like monthly in a box? One book of my choice. Which I then send back in next month’s box, when the new book arrives.

(The first person who says “Netflix for books is THE LIBRARY” gets the hairy eyeball. At the library, I have to stand in line behind 200 other readers before I get the book I want. I really love libraries but I would also love easy access to new/popular books AND be able to send them back after I have read them.)

Chel (#2,960)

@HelloTheFuture Have you tried booksfree.com? I’ve never used them so I am not sure how good the selection is but they received a lot of favorable press a few years ago.

KarenSmitty (#6,498)

@HelloTheFuture Have you ever tried Paperbackswap.com? Before I had a kindle, I used it all the time.

endofherleash (#201)

i was really sincerely hoping this was tagged with “what’s in the box?!?!?!?!?!” but alas :(

greyeminence (#6,244)

MAIL ME THE HEAD OF JOHN THE BAPTIST!

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