Real Talk Résumé

At Huffpost Comedy, Christine Egan provides what she calls her “real” resume:

Objective:
To not have you hire someone 15 years younger for a lot less money.

Experience:
Usually too much. Otherwise not quite enough.

Responsibilities Include: Pretending not to mind that my boss is 29. Doing work above my pay grade without credit. Doing work below my pay grade with too much credit. Masking bitterness and resentment. Saying “pay grade” with a straight face.

Undergraduate Education:
Absurdly expensive. And a really long time ago. Jesuits present. Boyfriends lame. Plays performed. Beer plentiful, more of it than you might think courtesy of aforementioned Jesuits. Thank you for not asking about my GPA.

Ever used a friend as a reference? Christine Egan has too!

I haven’t looked at my résumé in quite a long time. What if we included our student loan debt next to our college education as a way to imply that we’ve got bills to pay and as such will require a certain amount of pay?

Photo: Billy Brown

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13 Comments / Post A Comment

Kimberly Alison (#4,465)

I can’t tell if Mike is joking or not in the last line. Your salary has nothing to do with how much you need to maintain your lifestyle. It’s based on your value to the company. It is WILDLY inappropriate to bring up your financial obligations as a negotiating tool. Ultimately, your employer isn’t financially responsible for your lifestyle choices.

sea ermine (#122)

@Kimberly Alison Yeah I’m assuming Mike is joking because it would be incredibly inappropriate to bring up student loan payments as a negotiating tactic, the focus should be on why you think you are worth x to the company, based on your skills an experience. Mentioning loan debt, regardless of how or why you got it, is no different then mentioning medical bills, credit card debt, mortgage payments, etc.

Even if we were in some alternate universe where this was recommended, it could have the opposite effect or resulting in salaries for very lower income students (who graduated with limited debt because of the financial aid they received) while giving higher salaries to students from wealthier families, who took out large loans because they felt confident it would be paid back or because they felt entitled to an expensive education.

Mike Dang (#2)

@Kimberly Alison Hah, yes it was a joke. This is a post about things we’d put on our resumes if we wanted to get real for a moment. Obviously we would not mention lame boyfriends or list our debt loads on a regular resume!

Susan Tidebeck (#5,691)

@Kimberly Alison I agree. It is inappropriate to mention the cost of your undergraduate education. Otherwise, I think this resume is pretty good.

sea ermine (#122)

@Mike Dang I figured you were joking but I got nervous because in college I had an advisor (from the student career center, who was hired to advise students on their resumes and applying for jobs after college) tell me I should list what percentage of college I paid for myself (like, through scholarships and tuition payments vs loans) because it would look good to employers. Obviously I didn’t do it (can you image??) but now I always wonder how many people out there think this is a good idea!

Oh and this was in 2012, so, it’s still happening to current graduating students most likely.

Mike Dang (#2)

@sea ermine Uh, I would not know what to make of that if I saw that on a resume. Did this person explain why it would look good?

lalaland (#437)

@sea ermine I have heard that, too. I think it is supposed to speak to your work ethic, ie working through college. If I were hiring and saw that on a resume, it wouldn’t affect my decision, but we did interview someone in my office once because he stated that he paid for college himself on his resume and one of my coworkers was very impressed by that, so ymmv.

Depending on the job/industry/etc., I don’t think it’s a dealbreaker to put on your resume.

garli (#4,150)

@lalaland Call me crazy but I’ll go with “putting job experience from college” on my resume if I want to show people that I worked my way through college.

sea ermine (#122)

@Mike Dang She said that people like to see that you paid for it yourself (the implication was that taking out loans pr javing your parents pay for it is laziness/poor work ethic). What’s extra weird is that she wanted me to list the exact percentage I covered myself (ex payed for 76% or college education through loans and work study). There were a lot of other weird suggestions she gave me, this was just the strangest. After I left I went onto the askamanager website and followed her resume tips instead, but I know people who took the career centers weird advice and had a lot of trouble getting jobs until they redid their resumes/cover letters.

sea ermine (#122)

@lalaland What’s weird is that my resume clearly showed that my last 4 jobs were held while I was a studentand that was clear from the dates of employment. Three of them were in offices in the university so it was pretty obvious that they were work study jobs. But she still wanted me to add abline avout how much tuition I paid myself.

MissMushkila (#1,044)

@sea ermine I know a number of federal jobs (for example, the FBI) ask you about this on the application. You have to explain how you paid for college and what kind of debts you have – but I figured that was pretty specific to wanting to make sure you aren’t beholden to a suspected terrorist or something…

Beaks (#3,488)

@Kimberly Alison Would you mind telling that to the last set of employers I interviewed with? When I asked them to name a salary range they put the initial number back on me by saying “You know how much you need to sustain your lifestyle.” I…didn’t really know what to say to them (I mean, obviously I knew what range I was looking for, which was based off of, you know, what I thought I was worth to a company and such). More than one company, too.

Kimberly Alison (#4,465)

I figured as much, but wasn’t too sure. I was once hiring an admin and she insisted that she needed 25% over what the (stated in the ad) salary would be because she had just bought a condo and had a mortgage to pay.

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