Dark Tales of Alpha Ladies and Beta Males

I do not love the framing or the tone of this article, titled “Meet the Women Who Run Hollywood (and the Slacker Husbands They’re Over),” nor do I suspect I would not like to be in the same room/planet as its author, but what I DO love are 1. women talking about their messy lives, 2. brewing resentment and 3. BETA MALES. And in that regard, this piece does not disappoint. At all:

My having success seemed to make him feel like he lost something in comparison. It was as though he would have been happier if we were both struggling, or if he were always doing just a little bit better than me. He started becoming pessimistic and cynical, and any success I had would become uncomfortable to share because it would make him unhappy. So we just stopped talking about work. I would go to events alone because he couldn’t share in my life. I felt lonely and sad. I felt like I had another kid, because I’d have to make sure that everyone was okay including him. He would get takeout and not get anything for me. I would then go upstairs, put the kids to bed, and then make myself dinner: usually a handful of dried cereal or crackers and hummus or popcorn. I was taking care of a lot of people and felt pressure to make a lot of money.”

Oh Sally. If you see me walking down the street carrying armfuls of popcorn and Frosted Mini-Wheats and throwing them into the river later, you’ll know why.

He [her husband] has been following his dream to start a company because I provided him with the opportunity to build something that wouldn’t exist if I hadn’t been out there working my ass off,” she continued. “I don’t resent the fact he built something. I wish that I had that opportunity. But he’s been using my hard work as a stepping stone for his own career.” When I asked how he could make her feel less resentful, she said, “It would be nice if he would have less of a sense of entitlement and more of a sense of gratitude.” I asked her why she thought he acted ungratefully, and she said, “Because doing that makes him feel better. It makes him feel superior.”

Whelp, let’s all do our best to practice compassion, gratitude and actual adult communication this weekend, ok? And barring that I guess sew up our vaginas or something.


12 Comments / Post A Comment

I had one boyfriend who told me flat out that he would feel threatened if I made more money than him, and another boyfriend who responded, “Wow, f*ck you” when he realized that my salary was twice as much as his.

This article pisses me off. I get the impression that the author is trying to place blame on the women because how dare they be successful when they got a MAN who needs food and sex or whatever.

“If a guy chooses to be provided for by a woman, he better be smart when it’s important and find other ways to play the part of the man in his relationship…” Hey I think you meant to say that if a man is insecure about making less than his partner, he needs to start thinking of other ways in which he can contribute to the relationship.

ThatJenn (#916)

I heart you and your commentary, Meaghan. Just wanted to let you know.

aetataureate (#1,310)

@ThatJenn Me too.

RachelW (#2,605)

Logged in just to say – SKIPPER!

aetataureate (#1,310)

@RachelW “We both want to spend more time with you!”

beet hummus (#946)

@RachelW I saw that actor in a cereal commercial surrounded by a smiling wife and children and I thought, “Good, Skipper finally got over Miranda and found happiness.”

(….or did he?!)

@fo (#839)

They mostly sound like just generally unpleasant folks. ANY story you want to write, you can find people that fit the theme, and people who are the opposite. Could just as well have been “Meet the Women Who Run Hollywood (and the Stay at Home Fathers They Adore)”–which probably would have been another trainwreck, but for different reasons.

E$ (#1,636)

I read this article this morning and a better term for it would be “Women Who Happen To (Have) Be(en) Marry(/ied) To Assholes.” Reminded me of the New York Times Magazine feature on women who opted out of the workforce and then got back in (from a few years ago). Not saying that there aren’t men like this, but the anecdotes he collected don’t add up to me to be A Trend.

Also, I didn’t get a strong sense of how “Hollywood” this is (as opposed to normal marriages which can also struggle with balancing work and family demands). Mostly, I should stop reading these articles because they make me too stressed about future family and work demands and how far I’ll be able to Lean In and so on.

Meaghano (#529)

@E$ Yes, a more accurate title for this would be like, “Three Women Who Resent Their Crappy Husbands.”

Meaghano (#529)

@Meaghano but still I cannot look away

TheTwoAndOnly (#6,165)

I’m sure you could write several similar articles about men who run Hollywood and the women who don’t work and shop, get plastic surgery, spend their husband’s money, and let nannies take care of their children.

“Yes, a more accurate title for this would be like, “Three Women Who Resent Their Crappy Husbands.””

Well, are they actually crappy, or is it a case that women resent partners who are less successful than they are, uinlike men who are quite (or relatively) happy having unsuccessful partners so long as they deliver in the bedroom or whatever?
I’m pretty sure the evidence is that men are unhappy being the junior partner in relationships, and women are unhappy having a junior mate.

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