Dark Tales of Alpha Ladies and Beta Males

I do not love the framing or the tone of this article, titled “Meet the Women Who Run Hollywood (and the Slacker Husbands They’re Over),” nor do I suspect I would not like to be in the same room/planet as its author, but what I DO love are 1. women talking about their messy lives, 2. brewing resentment and 3. BETA MALES. And in that regard, this piece does not disappoint. At all:

My having success seemed to make him feel like he lost something in comparison. It was as though he would have been happier if we were both struggling, or if he were always doing just a little bit better than me. He started becoming pessimistic and cynical, and any success I had would become uncomfortable to share because it would make him unhappy. So we just stopped talking about work. I would go to events alone because he couldn’t share in my life. I felt lonely and sad. I felt like I had another kid, because I’d have to make sure that everyone was okay including him. He would get takeout and not get anything for me. I would then go upstairs, put the kids to bed, and then make myself dinner: usually a handful of dried cereal or crackers and hummus or popcorn. I was taking care of a lot of people and felt pressure to make a lot of money.”

Oh Sally. If you see me walking down the street carrying armfuls of popcorn and Frosted Mini-Wheats and throwing them into the river later, you’ll know why.

He [her husband] has been following his dream to start a company because I provided him with the opportunity to build something that wouldn’t exist if I hadn’t been out there working my ass off,” she continued. “I don’t resent the fact he built something. I wish that I had that opportunity. But he’s been using my hard work as a stepping stone for his own career.” When I asked how he could make her feel less resentful, she said, “It would be nice if he would have less of a sense of entitlement and more of a sense of gratitude.” I asked her why she thought he acted ungratefully, and she said, “Because doing that makes him feel better. It makes him feel superior.”

Whelp, let’s all do our best to practice compassion, gratitude and actual adult communication this weekend, ok? And barring that I guess sew up our vaginas or something.


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