How to Procrastinate Signing Up for a Gym Membership While Still Being Productive About It

October: Don’t sign up for a membership or start running in your neighborhood. Instead, buy sports bra and yoga pants.

Mid-October: Don’t sign up for a membership or start running in your neighborhood. Instead, ask your new employer’s HR department about the gym in the building.

Late October: Don’t sign up for a membership or start running in your neighborhood. Instead, “research” the gym by peering in the door window on your way out of the building every day.

November: Don’t sign up for a membership or start running in your neighborhood. Instead, research fitness apps.

Mid-November: Don’t sign up for a membership or start running in your neighborhood. Instead, tell your friends you’re thinking about running. Turn down a 5K invitation, but assure them you’ll run next year’s Santa Run.

Late November: Don’t sign up for a membership or start running in your neighborhood. Instead, add “gym membership” to your monthly budget.

December: Don’t sign up for a membership or start running in your neighborhood. Instead, take gym membership applications from your employer’s gym. Tour the gym. Say you’ll be back in January.

Mid-December: Split your jeans down the ass on Casual Friday. Sign up for the gym.

 

 

Liz lives in Boston, and sometimes updates her tumblr.

Photo: Health Guage

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18 Comments / Post A Comment

garli (#4,150)

Not to help you procrastinate or anything, but January is really the worst time to join a gym.

@garli All the more reason to join now! Try all the things while they’re still empty, and then in January you can switch easily to the rowing machine or treadmill or kettlebells or whatever when the resolutioneers show up in January and take all the ellipticals (or dumbbells or whatever your favorite thing is).

garli (#4,150)

@cuminafterall Fair, and such a better answer. Also learn to love the rowing machine, it murders you (in a good way) much faster than any other cardio.

E$ (#1,636)

@cuminafterall Yeah, I’ve been weighing (ha) the benefits of joining in now or waiting till February. I’m not mad at the resolutioneers, I used to be one, but I think it would almost be better to hold out.

@garli YES. I do rowing intervals (30 seconds on, 30 seconds off for 15 minutes) and they are awful/great.

I also love my free weights. They’re the best thing to do in January– the ellipticals & treadmills are always taken but few people approach the squat racks. Get a gym person to teach you some barbell exercises and you’re golden.

garli (#4,150)

@cuminafterall Ha, we could totally be work out buddies. Free weights for life. (And plyos)

wrappedupinbooks (#1,426)

Also gyms are so expensive. In my old neighborhood I just went to Planet Fitness for $10 a month. Sure it was a little janky, but it got the job done. Now the cheapest one I can find is almost $80 a month, and I cringe every time I see the budget bar on Mint.

I just started the jillian michaels’ 30 day shred, and I do it almost every day in my house, after work. Getting to the gym is jus NOT happening, plus it’s expensive, and I can’t run in my neighborhood because I live in Chicago. And it’s winter.

But I’ve been really loving the video! I stream it to my tv through amazon ($2 per ‘episode’, so $6 total), and I have everything I needed (yoga mat, weights). It’s a GREAT 20 minute workout, and after the first run through I mute her and turn up my own music. I’ll probably never join a gym now!

ATF (#4,229)

@Jake Reinhardt – But running in the winter is kind of awesome. I live in Boston and I do it just fine. Mostly after work. Running warms you up and everything just looks so different on a cold night. Right now it’s the best because the parks are all decked out for Christmas. The Commonwealth Mall is magical for running through right now.

BananaPeel (#1,555)

@Jake Reinhardt I am currently sore from yesterday’s 30 day shred!

ellabella (#1,480)

@Jake Reinhardt Oooh you’re tempting me, I was actually thinking about that about 2 days ago. But I don’t have weights, and so I am procastinating by not getting them but also worrying about what weight I should get.

Also, I hate-listened to her podcast the other day. 40% body-shaming, 40% inane, 20% SO INSPIRATIONAL.

@ATF Haaaaa, nope-I live in a neighborhood where you don’t run after dark. Ever. And it gets dark here around 4:30.

I was also talking with a co-worker that runs in the winter, and I was astounded at how much running ‘gear’ I would need for it-I can barely afford running shoes, let alone winter running leggings, smartwool socks, a wicking layer, a shell, an ear warmer. I’m broke just thinking about it.

Allison (#4,509)

My work took an empty floor and turned half of it into a fitness room, so I get to use the treadmills/bikes/ellipticals/weight machine for free.

I still put off signing the waivers to use it for like 6 months. and it is RIGHT THERE. No showers though, but I bought baby wipes and I am not the smelliest person to ever be on the CTA even after a run, so I just suck it up.

garli (#4,150)

@Allison Huh, is it bad form to use public transport after going to the gym?

ATF (#4,229)

@garli – I used to use it after going to the gym. I think as long as you’re not leaving a puddle of sweat behind you, it’s cool.

I used to have a free gym at work and I LOVED it. It was so easy to pop into after work for a run. It was free and usually damn near empty. But I don’t have that job anymore so I have a regular gym and share it with the rest of the unwashed masses. :(

Allison (#4,509)

@garli I turn into a bright red sweaty mess and my bus is usually so packed that I was concerned about it for a while, but I don’t care anymore. I cool down enough by the time I get there that I just look like a regular mess.

Panamanda (#2,713)

But what was the status of the gym in the building? My current workplace has a free employee gym and it is the greatest thing ever. I wish more employers were able to provide them.

dotcommie (#662)

I’m waiting for the January New Year’s Resolution sales. That’s my excuse.

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