Things I Would Pay $200 for, If They Existed

$200! It’s a lot of money and … not a lot of money, but actually it’s kind of a lot of money. Unless it’s for The Perfect Thing. What would you spend $200 on, Katherine Coplen?

1. A time machine to 1972 to see Led Zeppelin live just after the release of IV, just for a moment.

2. A Gmail application that writes very kind emails to very sweet PR people circling back for the 10th time on a horrible pitch.

3. Portable, purse-sized ice cream maker that requires no ingredients and doesn’t need to be plugged into anything, that can create the precise flavor you’re craving at any time, and contains zero calories. And zero mess.

4. Someone to explain to me, very slowly, why it is okay that I still love R. Kelly unreservedly while simultaneously feeling icky about the personal life of Woody Allen, clearing up the constant artist/art argument that occupies my head way too often.

5. The perfect pair of jeans.

 

Katherine Coplen lives in Indianapolis.

---
---
---
---
---

11 Comments / Post A Comment

Caitlin with a C (#3,578)

#4: Does Woody Allen have a book called “Soulacoaster”? No. Also, jams.

joyballz (#2,000)

Perfect pair of jeans that never fade and never tear and grow/shrink with you.

Number 3, absolutely.

s. dekker (#3,301)

I would pay a lot more than $200 for #3, definitely. You can charge me whatever you want for that wonderful invention.

UrbanGarlic (#4,303)

I got the perfect pair of jeans for $30 a couple months ago.

I wouldn’t even think twice about going into debt for that. calorie free? no question

No, but really though-R. Kelly is a repeat offender, and shows no repentance. I love some jams too, but I’m having a really hard time with this one. Can I just listen and make sure he never makes any money from it, ever? I’d be comfortable with that.

I mean, think about a 35 year old man you KNOW…would you be comfortable with him having sex with 15 year old girls? No? What if he was really charming and smart? Still no, right? What if he made pornography with like 14 year olds? But then he got caught, and you knew he did it, but then the warrants didn’t hold up, soooo…he’s innocent, right? We can all go on hanging out with him because I mean, he’s CHARMING.

@Jake Reinhardt Oh wait, I meant THIRTEEN year old girls-silly me.

lindseykai (#1,544)

@Jake Reinhardt And not just any girl, HIS GODDAUGHTER. I was at Pitchfork and was disgusted by how many people have completely forgotten/never knew/don’t care what went down. He’s a horrible human being.

katastrophe (#899)

@Jake Reinhardt Oh, god, Jake, you are totally right. And now I think I owe you $200.

@fo (#839)

@Jake Reinhardt Seriously had the same thought.

And that doesn’t even mention his brief marriage to a 15-year old Aaliyah.

Post a Comment