The Cost to Get Things Moving

$3, coffee

$4, latte

$7, whiskey

$3, coffee

$3, coffee

$3.99, bag of prunes (just a healthy snack that I love)

$3, coffee

$45, co-pay for doctor’s visit where am told to “eat more ruffage

$3, water

$7.49, stool softener capsules (as prescribed by a doctor)

$12.49, smooth laxative powder packets (FUN SIZE) (as prescribed by a doctor)

$1.29, nail polish, because maybe if I’m buying neon nail polish the teenage cashier will not notice the other constipation-related products

$15, concert ticket I let go unused so I can sit home and wait for the magic to happen

$3, coffee

 

Laurie Spicer lives in Florida.

Photo by nic sedlock

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12 Comments / Post A Comment

Not to be That Person (who am I kidding, I’m a pedant at heart), but it’s spelled “roughage.”

@mirror_father_mirror Hmm. I see now that, according to that Wikipedia article, “ruffage” is an alternate spelling…but when I googled it, the only other use I saw for that spelling was Urban Dictionary. I’ll give this article the benefit of the doubt, but based on the dubious nature of both of those sources, I’m going to stand behind “roughage” as the preferred spelling.

/pedantry

:(

@fo (#839)

@Holden Cauliflower

Heh. Bet if she’d eaten enough Cauliflower, she wouldn’t have been Holden it so long. [worst.joke.ever]

shannowhamo (#845)

I take daily fiber gummies which are like $12 for one month which seems kind expensive but it is worth my sweet, sweet regularlity (water, also, gotta drink lots of water, too.)

Smallison (#155)

Quaker squares cereal. And coffee. Not to mention lots ‘o veggies and fruit. I speak from experience.

blair (#1,962)

@Smallison I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Kashi GoLEAN. They include some bullshit (no pun intended) plant fiber that a significant portion of humans literally cannot stomach…or not for long, anyway

Megs (#644)

@blair Dude, the Kashi GoLEAN made my boyfriend think he was lactose-intolerant for a while until he just switched cereals.

Holy crap.

Literally.

iximox (#4,438)

@Smallison Kashi GoLEAN just gave me painful bloating and the WORST EVER farts.

milena (#3,288)

Ugh I had my first backup problem a few weeks ago and stool softener pills did not work for me, and the thought of eating (even high-fiber foods) was just appalling. Next time, go to CVS and buy a bottle of magnesium citrate drink right at the “digestive aids” aisle. It looks like a tiny bottle of sparkling water. That stuff works wonders.

Megs (#644)

My best trick is grabbing a liter of water, calling home, and taking a 45-60 minute walk while talking to them.

Water and walking. Works every time.

sunflowernut (#1,638)

Eat lots of fiber, sure. But also make sure you are drinking lots of water! Being well hydrated does wonders. And when in need, Mira-Lax is The Best Laxative of All Time. If you are in a really bad situation, take it every day for a week or so to really get things going (while still drinking all the water ever). This is what my dr told me to do, and it was life changing advice.

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