10 Eggplants Who Wouldn’t Order Sushi Tonight, And Think You Shouldn’t Either, Really

• 10 eggplants who wouldn’t order sushi tonight, and think you shouldn’t either, really

• 35 swashbuckling pirates with a better shot at getting health insurance before they age out than you do

• 5,680 toddlers who are more responsible with money than you are even though they literally try to swallow it, they literally eat it

• 2 fried eggs that together look like eyes staring at you in complete disbelief that NAIL DECALS is how you decided to fuck with eleven entire U.S. Dollars last Friday

• 1 dad who wishes you’d made a few decisions differently, Lauren, but will always love you anyway [photo of Mike Rodrigue]

• 5 peacock feathers who would have gotten that job you came close to getting but didn’t get because your resume is obviously in WINGDINGS UGH

• 305 bathtubs that are basically saying That $100 Hot Yoga Gilt City Deal You Bought Ain’t Gonna Use Itself!

• 7 crispy fried prawns you shouldn’t order because you don’t NEED an appetizer and an entree; you’re only one woman

• 4,791 salamanders that would never have left the A/C on ALL DAY on Saturday while they nursed hangovers in bed because salamanders are cold blooded and stay cool by avoiding the sun and because there’s no reason a young human woman shouldn’t be out and about on one of her two days off per week


Lauren Rodrigue lives in New York. pic by rochelle hartman.


7 Comments / Post A Comment

tw0lle (#4,354)

This is great. “LOL” “[picture of a heart]” “WIN” “OMG”

Genghis Khat (#584)

Fuck those judgmental salamanders! I’m an adult! I do what I want!

heavyrotation (#4,261)

crispy fried prawns!!!

katiekate (#1,051)

Yeah but being out and about means SPENDING MONEY! Spending the day in bed is the most responsible choice.

francesfrances (#1,522)

@katiekate Should probably just go running all day. Maybe for a long walk. Also free.

(Just kidding. Just thought this would be an obnoxious thing to say. “I’m trying to save money so I just spend most of my time running. Good for the body and the wallet!” UGH.

readyornot (#816)

@amyfrances waitwait how do you get paid for running all day? that is a scam i would like to get in on.

I just ordered sushi and I’m prrrreeeeettttttty sure it was because of this post.

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