How Your Cocktails Get Their Names

“‘Yeah, it’s all meta and referential and everything,’ Myers said. ‘I feel for those guys in the 19th century. They didn’t have any thing to play off of.‘”

I will not order a cocktail if it has a dumb name. I will pick anything other than the cocktail with a dumb name. If it can’t be avoided, I will point to it. “This one,” I’ll say. Or “the gin one.” Won’t say the dumb name. “I’ll take the Razz-Ma-Tazz.” No. Not doing it. This article is delightful though. Very soothing. Or I imagine it would be. I’m kind of hungover so it made me queesy and I couldn’t finish it. But definitely will later. And I thought you should know about it. Artisanal cocktails need to be bought. This will make you want to buy one. Economic stimulus. Doing my part for the economy.

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10 Comments / Post A Comment

joyballz (#2,000)

Hamburger Mary’s has a drink called “razzle dazzle” and it’s not my favorite, but it’s my favorite to order. It makes me think of yo gabba gabba.

mayonegg (#1,245)

A certain new restaurant in Chicago has an AMAZING gin drink called “Hoopoes Hope” and every time I order it I try to say it as softly as possible because I am so embarrassed to be alive in that moment.

joyballz (#2,000)

@mayonegg Tell me where!!! I’ll order it for you. No shame.

mayonegg (#1,245)

@joyballz Little Goat! (“new”)

joyballz (#2,000)

@mayonegg I LOVE LITTLE GOAT!! I work just a few blocks from there and it’s become my Friday morning treat since Little Goat Bread has similar prices to starbucks, but much better pastries/breadstuffs.

mayonegg (#1,245)

@joyballz Also, Stumptown coffee. Swoon!

readyornot (#816)

I’m with you, Logan, I don’t like the silly names. I do sometimes like the fun signature cocktails, but it makes me upset when the bartender will only make those things on the menu and not an old standby, like a sidecar or a gimlet. I mean, they definitely have the ingredients. Also, so frustrating when I order the gimlet and they ask vodka or gin! Vodka with sweet lime is a different drink.

ellabella (#1,480)

This is why I hate going to Jamba Juice “Peach passion please” (bros in line TITTER TITTER TITTER)

Boundary Road in DC has the most ridiculously-named drink: I’m Thinking About Getting a Vespa. The annoying part is that it’s really, really delicious.

NoName (#3,509)

I stopped ordering drinks by name when every bar started doing their “signature version” of every darn thing. I now order “vodka and cranberry juice with a twist of lime” instead of a Cape Cod because lord knows what else they’re going to throw in there – Creme de Violette or grapefruit bitters or some such nonsense.

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