How to Go to Brunch With Friends And Only Order Coffee And Not Make Anyone Uncomfortable

DO
Say you’re fasting, because of god

Say you ate breakfast and you plan to eat lunch, so brunch just doesn’t make sense for your lifestyle

Say you never consume food with people you hate

Start downing those little splenda packets until everyone gets too weirded out to say anything to you

Explain that you are actually drinking a complete Irish breakfast, complete with a side order of hash browns, liquified and put in a coffee mug at your request

Declare your table a sovereign nation and claim diplomatic immunity from brunch as foreign emissary brokering a peace treaty with this mug of coffee

Say you have a stomach bug

 

DON’T
Say you can’t afford more—what are you a monster

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5 Comments / Post A Comment

readyornot (#816)

I genuinely believe that the words, “I cannot afford this” are more difficult for the one saying them than the one hearing them.

OllyOlly (#669)

@readyornot Yes! I hope more people open up about these things, I wouldn’t think twice if a friend said this to me. In fact I’d probably just be like, “How about you just come over to my apartment and I will wine and dine you with quiche and too many roasted potatoes.”

Bill Fostex (#573)

Say “I’m just gonna snack on whatever you order…” and then give everyone back massages with your mouth open so they can feed you over their shoulder while your hands are busy.

lizard (#2,615)

make sure its just not you and the other person eating. i feel like brunch is a leisurly gluttonous meal thats meant to be overindulged and boozy. its one thing to hang while a friend scarfs down a slice of pizza or sandwich but to watch them eat eggs and a mimosa is just uncomfortable for both parties

pizza (#599)

@lizard For real. I had a friend once who was too hungover to eat and it was so uncomfortable for me to see her just sitting there with coffee. I kept offering her all my food.

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