Comments on: WWYD: The Underminer

By: e

Tue, 19 Mar 2013 18:38:12 +0000

If you are the supervisor I’d recommend having a discussion, but frame it broadly- say, “I’ve noticed you often have concerns about how we’ll get things done. Maybe you don’t realize it but right now it looks like you are just contradicting me to disagree. From now on, when you disagree with an approach, I think it would be helpful if you would suggest an alternative that you think is better.”

By: e

Tue, 19 Mar 2013 18:34:40 +0000

I work with an underminer that I “stole” a position from, and we’re equals the power structure.In my case, I’d be happy to NOT have her job to do, but I know she blames me for losing her control and I occasionally catch her sneaking around behind my back trying to get things done the way I said we aren’t doing it. I’d stay with being firm but polite, and steer clear of private talks unless you are clearly this guy’s actual boss, which I’m not sure you are from the way I read it.

One thing that helps is when someone contradicts your approach, is to ask them what they want to do instead. I’ve found at my work at least there are a lot of people who say, “This method will NOT work” but if you ask them what method they want to use, they do not have one. I’d go with, “ok Umberto, I hear your concern, what approach did you have in mind?” Then he will sputter something about, “I just know this way won’t work…” and you can politely say, “well I think we need to go forward with this unless we can find a faster proven approach, but would you be willing to look for a different vendor just in case?” Honestly, makes all the difference. We’ve recently put all the usual friendly fire suspects on our working team and they get to shop products first- really get all their potshots out- then we make a few minor tweaks, roll it out and say, “yep we consulted with Janie and Marcus, they expressed a concern about x, so we did y.”

My personal underminer, I had to tell her I wouldn’t accept a late product. It was the FIRST time someone literally refused to take her extra work, and I thought she would cry. I felt so bad for her, but privately, because the issue is she goes back and makes revisions past the due dates all the time, and someone needed to say no. I’m sorry if she’s upset with me on a personal level, but at work, sometimes it’s really not personal, and I’m not her supervisor so it’s not on me to give her tips and it could be construed as stepping on her actual supervisor’s toes. So head high, carry on as usual, feel sympathy in private, be extra polite at meetings, give that person as much respect as you can afford to give.

By: EvanDeSimone

EvanDeSimone — Tue, 19 Mar 2013 02:04:08 +0000

I’m not sure direct confrontation in public is a good way to handle someone like this. It might, however, be worthwhile to sit the guy down in a private meeting and discuss it. If you keep a civil tone it’ll probably shame him into dialing it back.

By: olivia

olivia — Mon, 18 Mar 2013 21:03:23 +0000

@jr I completely agree. You’re in a senior position now, so you need to be able to have uncomfortable discussions. I would meet with the underminer and let him know that his behavior is unacceptable. There is no reason to be nice here. Don’t yell, just call him out on his behavior.

By: jr

jr — Mon, 18 Mar 2013 20:47:55 +0000

@Yogi ya there is really no reason to justify anything. The situation would be totally different if you were equals but you are obviously in a leadership position of the group. You can’t run a tight group while being underminded/having a person who isn’t inline with everyone else, it just doesn’t work. It will eventually spread to other people.

I’m also not saying do it in front of everyone but make it known to everyone that this will no longer be tolerated by asking that person to speak in private. Everyone will get the picture after that. That would be the nice way of doing it. I would honestly embarrass the hell out of the person and tell them to fuck off but I work in a totally different environment than most people where shit like this isn’t accepted.

By: Yogi

Yogi — Mon, 18 Mar 2013 20:21:27 +0000

@cjm I think this is way too nice. You definitely don’t need to explain why you applied for a job to him. I don’t think justifying yourself to the underminer is helpful in the long term.

I agree w/jr that ending this real quick is the best option.

By: cjm

cjm — Mon, 18 Mar 2013 19:51:12 +0000

@jr I do think saying something is an option, but I wouldn’t advise in public reprimands. That could backfire by making people hate you. I’d go to the underminer’s office and say, “I applied for this job because I thought it was a good opportunity. I know you had it before, and you probably feel like you should have been selected. I hope you know I wasn’t trying to “kick you out” and obviously I didn’t make the decision about who to hire. I hope we can be a successful team going forward.” It acknowledges the feelings and shows you’ve noticed the behavior, and explains that the behavior doesn’t hurt the people who actually made the decision.

By: eagerber

eagerber — Mon, 18 Mar 2013 19:48:58 +0000

I’m honestly surprised he decided to return after briefly leaving.

He seems like he’s taking out his job frustrations on you. Like jr suggested, I would confront him, and hope things get better!

By: jr

jr — Mon, 18 Mar 2013 19:30:21 +0000

If you are this underminer’s superior/senior to them then I would end it real quick. At the end of a meeting make a point so everyone hears it and ask that person to stay. Ask them bluntly “is there going to be a problem with you working underneath me?” If not the person will continue to do it. You were given more responsibility so use it. A civil confrontation goes a long way.