WWYD: The Underminer
Today on “WWYD,” working with someone who is trying to sabotage you:
About a year ago, I applied for a senior position at work. Along with three others, I was given a position. The kicker is: Someone was already in the job (on contract) and my appointment meant they had to be demoted. The other three were already contracted in the senior job and simply got permanent positions. I’ve been junior to the guy who got demoted since I started working there, and I do think there was a non-merit/political rationale behind choosing me over him (he’s not so popular with upper management). I just applied because it was a great job. He left to work a temporary role elsewhere and has recently come back and has been placed in the same group as me. So what’s happening is when we are in a group and I am giving advice, he jumps in and points out I’m wrong (I’m not), or he acts as if I’m talking nonsense—I guess I’m saying he is kind of undermining me. I don’t engage back. I feel his behavior stems from his unhappiness with what happened but: It’s a bit unsettling and destructive. How should I deal with this? — V.
Yes, you are doing the right thing: Do not engage with the underminer! The underminer is looking for reasons to continue to undermine you, and sparring with him in the slightest will continue to fuel that fire for him. If you are giving advice in a group setting and that advice is smart and reasonable, then there’s nothing to worry about. If he’s jumping in and calling smart and reasonable advice wrong or nonsense, he’ll be the one who looks idiotic. Let him dig his own grave. It can also be pretty clear to a group when there is an underminer present. Letting off some steam to a trusted colleague can help: “Is it just me or does [underminer] do [this undermining thing]?” Wait for the colleague to give you a knowing look. If it’s not there, air your frustrations, and let your colleague share her perspective on the situation.
The best way I’ve dealt with underminers is to be nice to them. Not overly nice—simply in a way that says, “So I understand you have a target on my back for whatever reason, but I’m going to treat you with respect anyway, and hopefully you will see the light one day and treat me with respect too.” Underminers undermine because they feel frustrated. Being demoted is pretty frustrating. But they often come around and can change their ways. And if not, at least you know this particular underminer is on contract and won’t be around forever.
Email me your WWYD experiences to me with “WWYD” in the subject line. See previous installments.
If you are this underminer’s superior/senior to them then I would end it real quick. At the end of a meeting make a point so everyone hears it and ask that person to stay. Ask them bluntly “is there going to be a problem with you working underneath me?” If not the person will continue to do it. You were given more responsibility so use it. A civil confrontation goes a long way.
@jr I do think saying something is an option, but I wouldn’t advise in public reprimands. That could backfire by making people hate you. I’d go to the underminer’s office and say, “I applied for this job because I thought it was a good opportunity. I know you had it before, and you probably feel like you should have been selected. I hope you know I wasn’t trying to “kick you out” and obviously I didn’t make the decision about who to hire. I hope we can be a successful team going forward.” It acknowledges the feelings and shows you’ve noticed the behavior, and explains that the behavior doesn’t hurt the people who actually made the decision.
@cjm I think this is way too nice. You definitely don’t need to explain why you applied for a job to him. I don’t think justifying yourself to the underminer is helpful in the long term.
I agree w/jr that ending this real quick is the best option.
@Yogi ya there is really no reason to justify anything. The situation would be totally different if you were equals but you are obviously in a leadership position of the group. You can’t run a tight group while being underminded/having a person who isn’t inline with everyone else, it just doesn’t work. It will eventually spread to other people.
I’m also not saying do it in front of everyone but make it known to everyone that this will no longer be tolerated by asking that person to speak in private. Everyone will get the picture after that. That would be the nice way of doing it. I would honestly embarrass the hell out of the person and tell them to fuck off but I work in a totally different environment than most people where shit like this isn’t accepted.
@jr I completely agree. You’re in a senior position now, so you need to be able to have uncomfortable discussions. I would meet with the underminer and let him know that his behavior is unacceptable. There is no reason to be nice here. Don’t yell, just call him out on his behavior.
I’m honestly surprised he decided to return after briefly leaving.
He seems like he’s taking out his job frustrations on you. Like jr suggested, I would confront him, and hope things get better!
I’m not sure direct confrontation in public is a good way to handle someone like this. It might, however, be worthwhile to sit the guy down in a private meeting and discuss it. If you keep a civil tone it’ll probably shame him into dialing it back.
I work with an underminer that I “stole” a position from, and we’re equals the power structure.In my case, I’d be happy to NOT have her job to do, but I know she blames me for losing her control and I occasionally catch her sneaking around behind my back trying to get things done the way I said we aren’t doing it. I’d stay with being firm but polite, and steer clear of private talks unless you are clearly this guy’s actual boss, which I’m not sure you are from the way I read it.
One thing that helps is when someone contradicts your approach, is to ask them what they want to do instead. I’ve found at my work at least there are a lot of people who say, “This method will NOT work” but if you ask them what method they want to use, they do not have one. I’d go with, “ok Umberto, I hear your concern, what approach did you have in mind?” Then he will sputter something about, “I just know this way won’t work…” and you can politely say, “well I think we need to go forward with this unless we can find a faster proven approach, but would you be willing to look for a different vendor just in case?” Honestly, makes all the difference. We’ve recently put all the usual friendly fire suspects on our working team and they get to shop products first- really get all their potshots out- then we make a few minor tweaks, roll it out and say, “yep we consulted with Janie and Marcus, they expressed a concern about x, so we did y.”
My personal underminer, I had to tell her I wouldn’t accept a late product. It was the FIRST time someone literally refused to take her extra work, and I thought she would cry. I felt so bad for her, but privately, because the issue is she goes back and makes revisions past the due dates all the time, and someone needed to say no. I’m sorry if she’s upset with me on a personal level, but at work, sometimes it’s really not personal, and I’m not her supervisor so it’s not on me to give her tips and it could be construed as stepping on her actual supervisor’s toes. So head high, carry on as usual, feel sympathy in private, be extra polite at meetings, give that person as much respect as you can afford to give.
If you are the supervisor I’d recommend having a discussion, but frame it broadly- say, “I’ve noticed you often have concerns about how we’ll get things done. Maybe you don’t realize it but right now it looks like you are just contradicting me to disagree. From now on, when you disagree with an approach, I think it would be helpful if you would suggest an alternative that you think is better.”