Things To Do At Work Instead Of Working (An Incomplete List)

According to my friends:

“For awhile, I had a job where I did a lot of crying at work. I was frustrated with my job and my boss, and I spent a lot of time locked in a bathroom stall, trying not to wail. I got paid to cry.”

“Some gchatting, some email, but always accompanied by guilt. Sweaty, paranoid guilt.”

“Bathroom naps. It is what it sounds like: Sitting on the toilet, (usually) not actually going to the bathroom, leaning forward with your with your head either in your hands, (watch out for the red forehead) or leaning against something, maybe the toilet paper rack. Rest for ten and twenty minutes. Either people don’t notice, or they don’t want to know what I’m was doing in the bathroom for that long.”

“Close the door to my office. Block it with a chair. Nap the heck out of an hour.”

“I do feel strongly that if you’re good at something, you don’t do it for free, meaning that I do 90% of my pooping at work, when I’m on the clock.”

“Rampant, rampant gchatting.”

“I worked at a horrible and awful corporate investment banking place, and my menial job was to keep the place looking good and clean up after everyone was gone—push in chairs, restock the fridge, recycle. When everyone left I’d raid the snack kitchen, use the book binding machine to make notebooks, read the New York Times in the recycling bin, spin on the chairs. It felt subversive, and it made me feel better about my 1960s style Mad Men job.”

“When I was 15, I worked at a retirement home and worked as a ‘waitress’ in the kitchen basically. In addition to eating all the dessert all the time, I also used to sneak to the laundry room and make out with my high school boyfriend who also worked there. Scandalous! I mean we were 15. It was an upgrade from making out at the movies.”

“I have masturbated in the bathroom at least once in every office I’ve ever worked at.”

“I’ve always justified the things I do at work as being necessary for work. Reading blogs isn’t wasting time, it’s keeping abreast of current events! Which is what they hired me for. I mean, not officially, but basically. I write copy for real estate sites.”

“I used to put on all my makeup in the bathroom after I clocked in.”

“Sexting.”

 

Chanel Dubofsky lives in Brooklyn and is interested in your personal decisions

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19 Comments / Post A Comment

OhMarie (#299)

My friend named the work poop the “company dumpany.”

“Read and comment on blog posts about things to do at work aside from working.”

Also: send story tips to other blogs instead of writing for the one I actually run.

laluchita (#2,195)

Research art shows I could submit my work to, then feel anxious about the idea of submitting work to be judged by strangers, and never do it. It’s somehow more wasteful because nothing ever comes of it.

MaxBraverman (#3,273)

I do my makeup and straighten my hair at work in the morning. Takes about 45 minutes.

bgprincipessa (#699)

Homework. In that I-can-be-productive-in-every-way-I’m-not-supposed-to-be kind of way. Like, at home, could be doing hw – I clean or cook. At work, should be doing work – I get homework done. There’s always something not getting done.

Liz the Lemur (#3,125)

I’m trying to find a new apartment, and because it feels like a lot of work, I’d rather do it at work.

“Write articles for the billfold” and “Play horse on company arcade-style basketball game”.

messica (#2,810)

Is planning and pricing imaginary vacations a given? because once a week I plan a trip I won’t take.

OllyOlly (#669)

@messica I have gotten to the point of keeping a google doc with outlines for vacation itineraries that I will never take.

DON (#706)

I… I think I know the person who submitted the 4th from the bottom activity? …ST? Is that you? You’ve said those exact words to me before. It was on a Monday too!

How is “Look for another job” not on the list?! Or is it just sort of too obvious?

Wow. Any of you should try working in a kitchen. I would give a limb to have a job where I could sit down, let alone do anything other than work. Half the time I’m too busy to remember to go to the bathroom and I’ve never taken more than a minute or two unless I was vomiting (before finishing the shift of course). Should anyone really be paid hourly if their time isn’t spent working?

@Meredith Dickey@facebook Not that it excuses our lazy ways, but I suspect most of the g-chatting desk jockeys, self included, are not paid hourly. And maybe other exempt employees’ jobs are different, but sometimes I am busy and sometimes I am really, really not, but even if there’s nothing to do, my butt better be attached to that chair 9-6, you know? Might as well plan a vacation I can’t take!

@bowtiesarecool Well, I can understand that some people have to just BE at work whether or not there’s anything to do, which is wasteful and unfair. The tone of this article, however, seemed to imply shirking rather than boredom. Maybe we can agree that it’s ridiculous for a salaried job to require someone to be at work when there’s no work to be done. And also that I’m underpaid.

It’s always struck me as wildly unfair that the lowest-paying jobs are the ones where you’re so busy you have to hold in pee.
To read something like this makes me want to set things on fire.

json (#4,161)

When I’m bored at work I clock into sites like MyTimeInMoney.com and watch how much money I’m making each second. It helps.

Richard (#4,162)

@json haha, really? I do that same thing! Is this the same site you use? http://www.MyTimeinMoney.com ?

Where do you work? And, what kind of work do you do?

json (#4,161)

Oh haha, I work in an art gallery. A lot of downtime :)

Richard (#4,162)

@json Oh, nice! I’m a freelancer.

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