Aren’t Related to Her, Haven’t Met Her, Don’t Love Her, But Choose Where She Lives

In contrast to yesterday’s heartwarming story, which made adopting a baby seem as easy as finding one on the subway and then saying “yes” when a judge asks you if you want to keep it, the blog Fosterhood shows how it actually works in our broken system (it doesn’t).  Rebecca is on her fourth foster child and would have adopted any of them if given the chance. The latest outrage/heartbreak: She was contacted by the foster agency about adopting a baby; she met the birth parents, the birth parents approved, and chose her; she got a call when the baby was born, held her on her first day alive. She named the baby and the name she chose—including her last name—is on the birth certificate.

Child Services sent the baby to a different home. It’s been six days.

I’ve written about another fostering blog before, and Carrie, the foster mom to foster child Blitzen, wrote something that I keep revisiting. This is the system. This is how it works: “The home of Blitzen’s baby sibling, like the home of Blitzen herself, will be decided in an adversarial courtroom by people who aren’t related to her, haven’t met her and don’t love her.”

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7 Comments / Post A Comment

WhyHelloThere (#1,398)

I’ve been following this situation with so much frustration. It’s so unfair to the baby, the birth mother, and Rebecca. But Rebecca has requested no media, and I’m not sure whether you guys count. Have you asked her if it’s ok to blog about it?

@WhyHelloThere I read that as she isn’t going to talk to media. Her blog is public.

WhyHelloThere (#1,398)

@Logan Sachon Yeah, she edited it to make it clear that’s what she meant. I thought she meant she didn’t want readers contacting the media, but your read is correct.

highjump (#39)

Someone sent me the NYT story yesterday before The Billfold posted about it and since I’ve been following Rebecca’s story with interest I’m afraid I treated that friend to a bit of a lecture. I think one of the key differences between the stories is that the other couple was able to get in front of a judge rather quickly. In Rebecca’s situation there are several layers of ineffective decision makers (multiple foster agencies, ACS) standing between her and legal authority. Is that your read as well Logan?

@highjump the NYT story just seems like a fairytale to me, based on my limited understand of The System, which is based on reading these blogs and other stories; they got in front of a judge and they got in front of the right judge. “Several layers of ineffective decision makers” sounds right to me.

highjump (#39)

@Logan Sachon I really thought Rebecca’s current situation seemed like a fairy tale at first, but naturally it turned into a nightmare. Thanks ACS!

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