Alternative Bank of America Email Alerts

Bank of America Alert: You’ve Really Gone and Done It This Time Idiot

Bank of America Alert: Are You Kidding Us?

Bank of America Alert: You Already Have Three of Those

Bank of America Alert: You Could have Been a Contender

Bank of America Alert: We Feel Bad for You!!!!!!!!

Bank of America Alert: You Seriously Need to Stop Like Literally Right Now

Bank of America Alert: STOP STOP STOP

Bank of America Alert: RING RING THE REST OF YOUR LIFE IS CALLING TO BREAK UP WITH YOU LOL

Bank of America Alert: Find a New Country to Live in, Sister, Because Capitalism Ain’t for You, OBVIOUSLY

Bank of America Alert: We Saw You Walk out of Forever21 Last Weekend Without Buying Anything and We Are Wondering, Do you Think You Deserve Some Kind of Prize?

Bank of America Alert: We’ve Decided to Have You Killed

 

Lauren Rodrigue lives in New York.

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4 Comments / Post A Comment

blair (#1,962)

“We’ve Decided to Have You Killed,” I lost it. Because THEY WOULD THOUGH

frenz.lo (#455)

@blair They would have you killed, and then charge you $12 for not being alive.

Morbo (#1,236)

Was It Worth It?
Charging Drinks at the Bar AGAIN?
You Know You’re Just Going To Return It?
These Minimum Balances Aren’t Going To Pay Themselves, Princess…
You’re Cheating on Me With Chase, Aren’t You? AREN’T YOU!!

r&rkd (#1,657)

I have one nice thing to say about Bank of America: their representative gave me absolutely no guff yesterday when I asked to close my account.

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