Comments on: A Conversation About Power, Sex, and Money

By: dj pomegranate

dj pomegranate — Thu, 14 Feb 2013 16:21:32 +0000

@stuffisthings Congrats! Yay marriage!

After reading this yesterday we set up a joint account with basically this same plan in mind and kind of as a first step to joining everything down the road. (We, too, stereotypes when it comes to the video game vs. groceries decisions.)

By: Meghan Nesmith@twitter

Meghan Nesmith@twitter — Thu, 14 Feb 2013 04:16:22 +0000

@Mike McPhaden@facebook The Billfold commenters are notorious for being the most awesome. It’s an incredible community.

By: zteutsch

zteutsch — Thu, 14 Feb 2013 03:47:02 +0000

Mike, I share your surprise and joy at seeing a thoughtful, kind, and incisive comment thread. Meghan Nesmith, way to bring out the best in people.

By: Mike McPhaden@facebook

Mike McPhaden@facebook — Thu, 14 Feb 2013 03:32:41 +0000

I’m a brand new reader of this site, and while this post is certainly great in its own right, I’m completely STUNNED by the comments. Cogent arguments! Polite discourse! Properly spelled words! Congratulations, everyone. You restored my faith in Internet people.

By: stuffisthings

stuffisthings — Wed, 13 Feb 2013 22:35:29 +0000

@Michelle LeBlanc@twitter It’s better than being hyperbolically single.

Or asymptotically single, for that matter.

ETA: Or, for the Relatonshapes readers, geometrically single.

By: stuffisthings

stuffisthings — Wed, 13 Feb 2013 22:34:22 +0000

@dj pomegranate I just got married too! We started a joint account a few months ago just for our rent and common bills (Internet and electric), which is actually going great.

I am more of a spender and she is more of a saver, but I have an actual salary and her various student grants and things are far below what she actually needs to live on. So I put in a couple hundred extra to the joint account each month, which serves as a small reserve fund/extra money for her when hers runs out (or she can’t pay her full share of rent). But we still primarily manage our own finances.

She sometimes says that spending “my” money makes her feel bad, but this arrangement actually works great for me, because the transfer goes out the same day as my paycheck and I’m not tempted by all that money sitting in my account. Plus, once I get used to having less free cash each pay period, and once she starts working too, that extra $$ will become savings.

Also, I know she is much more responsible with money than me, so if she has an “extra” $100 she’ll probably spend it on groceries or something we actually need, whereas I would just spend it at the bar or on books or video games (yes, I am a stereotype), so I feel actually better when she has the money than when I do.

By: Michelle LeBlanc@twitter

Michelle LeBlanc@twitter — Wed, 13 Feb 2013 22:10:53 +0000

This is a good piece. But I also just wanted to say that I enjoy the poetic/paradoxical term “exponentially single.” I guess one to the power of anything is still one.

By: loren smith

loren smith — Wed, 13 Feb 2013 22:08:58 +0000

@dj pomegranate This is exactly what my husband and I do. He makes much more money than I do, and we have arranged our savings goals to reflect this. We pay percentages into long term savings, housing, vacation fund based on our respective salaries. Our day-to-day banking is separate, so he can’t see that I spend all my after saving money on jeans, and I don’t see the day-to-day costs of him running his expensive pride-and-joy car. It works fantastically for us.

By: eliza

eliza — Wed, 13 Feb 2013 21:32:24 +0000

@Renleigh The latte thing is such a peeve of mine, too! Second the Ramit Sethi recommendation. His advice makes so much more sense: rather than putting themselves through trivial struggles of willpower every day, people should be looking for structural changes to their lives that can be automated. Moving to a cheaper apartment, getting a higher-paying job, increasing automatic debt payments and savings contributions. These are things that make a much bigger difference AND usually require one tiny fraction of the psychological energy it takes to repeatedly skip lattes or shoes or haircuts.

By: dj pomegranate

dj pomegranate — Wed, 13 Feb 2013 20:52:52 +0000

@zteutsch That makes a lot of sense. We are both 30 and have been managing our own moneys for years. Old habits, they die hard. I’m comfortable with a slow transition (we’re planning a big move in September which will facilitate a lot of the merging, just because it’ll be easier to do it all together) but I am still uncomfortable bringing money up sometimes. I have this underlying fear that, as the partner with a lower salary, it will sound like I am asking for free money, or that I am, as you said, un-fun. We already agreed that our money is our money, but it takes some time to adjust to new realities and make our system comfortable for both of us. Thanks for your insight!