Comments on: Stop Apologizing

By: rajivarora

rajivarora — Thu, 11 Apr 2013 12:09:16 +0000

This seems like weeping. Apologizing is a sme sme and bad thing. This is break a sweat heart.
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By: AlliNYC

AlliNYC — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 14:34:13 +0000

This seems like less of an over-apologizing issue and more of a doormat issue – it feels strange to me that the teacher got so involved with trying to re-train a behaviour. And then when it became clear that the supervisor was uncommunicative and not a team player, why not go to HER supervisor (or at least schedule a meeting with her and MAKE her talk) and try to resolve whatever issues were going on?

By: P.J. Morse

P.J. Morse — Wed, 23 Jan 2013 17:13:30 +0000

I had a coworker like that. I got a real cobra-snake vibe off her, and I started apologizing to her. Then she got nastier. So I managed to stop apologizing to her or treating her as if she had any power in any way. Actually, I stopped talking to her, and my work life automatically improved. At the time, I felt guilty for acting like a total bitch, but it turns out that I protected myself. The more you apologize to someone, the more you put them in the position of power.

In theory, it is good manners to apologize. It just doesn’t work so well in practice.

By: TARDIStime

TARDIStime — Mon, 21 Jan 2013 22:44:51 +0000

Wait – it’s OK to ask employees to rate their supervisor and then HAVE THEM SIGN OFF ON IT?
Is there no respect for employees’ privacy here? If this is the policy, how does HR do anything to rectify anything? There’s no way of reporting problems!

By: smartastic

smartastic — Sun, 20 Jan 2013 14:43:53 +0000

@julebsorry YES this is absolutely true. And I would say that it is true for MOST people, not just a small percentage.

By: cryptolect

cryptolect — Fri, 18 Jan 2013 21:03:00 +0000

Anyone ever watch the great Canadian show “Slings and Arrows”? EVERYONE apologizes constantly on that show. I counted once, I think it went up to 25 times in one episode.

By: cliuless

cliuless — Fri, 18 Jan 2013 20:32:41 +0000

@julebsorry highly relevant username!

By: Tatiana Jimenez@facebook

Tatiana Jimenez@facebook — Fri, 18 Jan 2013 20:23:25 +0000

I never realized how much I apologized until I was called out on it last year in a project meeting. I apologized for the resolution of something I had designed and saved as a low res PDF, and simultaneously two of my colleagues responded “there’s no need to apologize for this. Don’t apologize.”

Ever since I’ve been much more cognizant of how much I apologize and have stopped (unless there’s something I really need to apologize for). It’s pretty empowering. Great piece, btw!

By: Lauren

Lauren — Fri, 18 Jan 2013 20:19:12 +0000

WHAT?!

By: julebsorry

julebsorry — Fri, 18 Jan 2013 19:33:30 +0000

This is a really well-written piece!

As a former chronic apologizer, I totally feel this. Somehow I picked up a habit of saying “sorry” or “I apologize” for even the most mildly-confrontational stuff. I eventually learned something horifying, though – if you say “I apologize” as a way to soften a blow or attempt to diffuse an awkward situation, a certain % will then mentally assign you the blame, assuming you wouldn’t apologize if there wasn’t something you needed to apologize for!

Realizing this cured my habit pretty quickly. And once I realized how well the direct approach worked, I was much more inclined to use it.