Comments on: Things to Talk About Before Shacking Up

By: MissMushkila

MissMushkila — Wed, 12 Dec 2012 13:42:16 +0000

@myrna.minkoff We have been meaning to do this for awhile but keep not getting to the bank.

By: MissMushkila

MissMushkila — Wed, 12 Dec 2012 13:41:38 +0000

@Smallison It doesn’t even occur to me, because I leave before my boyfriend and am always in a hurry, but he always tracks me down – “you aren’t going to leave without saying goodbye, are you?”….(I was going to leave without saying goodbye! I’m horrible)

By: MissMushkila

MissMushkila — Wed, 12 Dec 2012 13:39:47 +0000

@TheclaAndTheSeals I agree. I love my boyfriend, and we did not talk about ALL of these before moving in, and none of them would be dealbreakers. But last night I cried at him that “I never get to spend any quality time with you now that we live together!” because sitting around the house and doing chores in the same area does not satisfy my social needs. (I live with a grad student – mid-December is not an emotionally stable time in our apartment)

By: Amy Lynne Grzybinski@facebook

Amy Lynne Grzybinski@facebook — Mon, 10 Dec 2012 18:06:41 +0000

Just moved out of the apartment I shared with my live-in boyf of 3.5 years. We’re having these conversations NOW. Blergh.

By: cmcm

cmcm — Mon, 10 Dec 2012 12:43:33 +0000

Oh my gosh, thank you SO much for having this series right now. My boyfriend and I are going to Talk About These Things this week, ahead of me moving in with him in January. eeeeeeek

By: myrna.minkoff

myrna.minkoff — Sun, 09 Dec 2012 15:55:28 +0000

@eraserface Yeah, I’d agree. My boyfriend and I are not engaged, but we are currently in the process of opening a joint bank account. We are each going to put the same amont of money per month into this acount from out personal ones, and pay for all joint expenses from this account (rent, utilities, groceries, etc). Some of our friends think this is a huge step, but I think of it instead as a way to keep the expenses equitable (and subsequently, happier and healthier).

By: eraserface

eraserface — Fri, 07 Dec 2012 23:58:44 +0000

My thoughts….if you’re going to live together, you should have a joint checking account. This cutting each other a check thing is very weird to me. Then again, I may be the unusual one…my husband and I only started living together when we were engaged. We have never cared too much about which money is in which account…we always knew all the accounts, no matter whose name is on it, are “ours.”

By: Catface

Catface — Fri, 07 Dec 2012 23:46:24 +0000

I would add certain aesthetic considerations to this excellent list. It would make me deeply sad to live with someone who wanted all the walls off-white or who insisted on Danish modern furniture or granite countertops.

By: TheclaAndTheSeals

TheclaAndTheSeals — Fri, 07 Dec 2012 22:37:58 +0000

@ciphressinchief This is exactly what we do, and I love it. I also have a tab for recurring expenses where I enter rent and utilities by month, with a formula to calculate the average for each utility and the average overall. Really helpful in seeing the big picture of what has to get paid, and about how much that will be.

By: TheclaAndTheSeals

TheclaAndTheSeals — Fri, 07 Dec 2012 22:31:08 +0000

@polka dots vs stripes This is definitely a YMMV article. I thought it was dead on. These are all either topics I discussed with my fiance pre-living together, or topics I wish we’d discussed because they came to a head later.

But I’m a spreadsheets and schedules and lists person. “Figuring things out as they come up” is my own personal hell. For a more go-with-the-flow type, yep, this article is unnecessary. I wish I’d read it before moving in, though.