Things From a Catalog We’ll Never Buy

Item #02-741009 Callie’s Charleston Biscuits
Williams-Sonoma says: “Flaky, buttery, and made by hand by celebrated caterer Callie White.”

Price: $72 (set of 24)

Notes from Drew: That’s $72 dollars for biscuits. At Popeye’s, the biscuit comes free with your order. At Williams-Sonoma, it costs you the rough equivalent of your phone bill. How good could these biscuits possibly be? There’s a threshold past which biscuits cannot improve. Even the best goddamn biscuit in the world isn’t $72 better than a Popeye’s biscuit. Unless that biscuit can make you teleport.

Deadspin took a little break from its sports coverage this week and gave Drew Magary some space to rant about the items in the latest Williams-Sonoma Catalog. It’s pretty amazing. I have to admit that I may want one of the things on his list, but I’m not going to tell you which thing.

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21 Comments / Post A Comment

snoopygirrl (#1,710)

Oh My God – I love Williams-Sonoma. I love to stroll through the store imagining all the things I would buy if I had the money…..
Mike – You want the fancy Vanilla Rimming Sugar don’t you???

RocketSurgeon (#747)

@snoopygirrl I guessed the fancy rimming sugar too, until I saw the espresso machine. I bet that’s what Mike wants.

I can’t read Deadspin at work so I’m guessing the item is some sort of overpriced haircut that you can somehow mail order.

Megano! (#124)

Those biscuits are actually MORE than my phone bill. Like, a lot more.

Fig. 1 (#632)

Mike wants the chicken coop, but he’ll paint his own chicken, thank you very much.

sockhopbop (#764)

The potato gloves! I guess the potato gloves. (Because I kind of want the potato gloves.)

blair (#1,962)

@sockhopbop I ALSO WANT THE POTATO GLOVES. because I do currently lack a decent wave of de-grubbifying potatoes, but I ALSO want to keep the nominal nutritional value of the skin! Also peeling is hard!

sockhopbop (#764)

@blair Yes to all of the above! It is a genius invention!!!

@sockhopbop YES I also want the potato gloves. I could envision using them on carrots as well and maybe even turnips? I hate peeling things.

sintaxis (#2,363)

@sockhopbop @blair Why don’t you guys just buy two of those “body scrubber” glove things that people use? It’s the same thing.

swirrlygrrl (#2,398)

@sintaxis As someone who owns both potato gloves and those body strubber gloves, I can confirm they are almost exactly the same. Except my potato gloves say “potato” and aren’t bright orange.

wearitcounts (#772)

EUROPEAN CHEESE HAMPER

tales (#928)

My partner’s parents were given and didn’t want the ebelskiver pan, so we have one and it is actually awesome. They are delicious and delightful! (They’re also less mini pancakes and more pancake balls with your filling of choice)

ThatJenn (#916)

@tales I gave this to my mom for Christmas one year (she asked for it) and kind of love visiting her just to eat these. I would never bother to have one in my tiny kitchen, though. (Come to think of it, I buy my mom lots of silly kitchen gadgets just so I can reap the rewards without having to bother owning them… at least it means I have lots of good gift ideas!)

questingbeast (#2,409)

I found it strange that he explained what Christmas crackers are. Are they not a thing in America then?
(The chocolate-chocolate croissants look AMAZING.)

Lily Rowan (#70)

@questingbeast They are not really a thing in America, and more’s the pity!

Charlsie (#442)

So, I live in Charleston, and they sell those Callie biscuits at the local gourmet butcher/sandwich/wine/insanity food items store by my house. My mom and I were looking at them the other day, and I am fairly certain that a pack of 12 biscuits was $26, which I thought was ridiculous. And my mom pointed out that they were HAM biscuits, and that while expensive, the fact it at least contained ham did make me feel better. I don’t want to pay $2 per ham biscuit that I still have to bake myself, but I’m sure someone does. Maybe a great holiday houseguest present.

The ham biscuits are $72 at William Sonoma. WTF. I will send you a pack for $40.

BornSecular (#2,245)

@Charlsie Enterprising, FTW!

swirrlygrrl (#2,398)

AHHHHH! THE TWINE HOLDER!!!!

MuffyStJohn (#280)

@swirrlygrrl The twine holder was the point when I had to email a link so my officemate would know what I was hysterically laughing about.

ThatJenn (#916)

Oh my gosh. I freaking LOVE making fun of the Williams Sonoma catalogue… for long car/plane trips I like that, SkyMall, Maxim, and Cosmo, all for the mocking potential.

…but I totally own a couple of things from the catalogue anyway, because I like owning some ridiculous stuff.

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