It’s easy for us because our priorities for spending when it comes to the shared expenses are similar, and we nearly always go grocery or errand-shopping together, and if not, it’s still based on a list we discussed beforehand. I am the one more concerned with spending, and also generally more proactive about planning and making things happen, which also helps – generally what happens is I make a plan and ask him if he’s ok with it before buying anything, and then I’m happy because the spending is what I’m comfortable with and he’s happy because he doesn’t have to worry about it.

Sometimes I feel guilty if there’s something I’m clearly eating more of than he does, but he’s never complained about it and in fact sometimes scolds me for always asking “would you eat this?” and says if I want something I should just get it. I try to remember that I barely notice if the situation’s reversed and, more importantly, our relationship is not about strict equality, but sharing and intimacy. And also that “fair” does not always mean “the same.” It’s ok if we are not equally sharing everything we buy as long as the difference isn’t adding up to a larger imbalance. There are a few grocery items we do pay for individually, mostly because the one who likes it better feels more comfortable that way – for example he drinks way more fancy tea than I do, and I eat way more dried fruit, both of them are pricier luxuries and also regular purchases, so we just feel better about paying for them individually even though he’s not going to forbid me from drinking tea and I’m not going to hide the fruit from him.

It takes soooooo much talking to figure it out! With roommates, we split everything equally all the time, bought separate groceries, separate booze, etc. We are still figuring out how to split things, but I think one of the great things about living with a boyfriend is we share a lot of those costs and tasks of daily life.

I think it helps for us that we are in similar financial situations. Both of us went to public colleges that we paid for ourselves and have 25,000-30,000 in debt. My boyfriend is in grad school, which pays him a fairly generous living stipend. He makes less than I do as a private high school teacher, but pays less in taxes and only pays interest on his loans as they are deferred until he finishes his program.

We split rent, utilities, groceries, household purchases, and booze equally, but right now we both take turns paying and track these expenses in exel and try to keep it even. We’ve talked about opening a joint checking account where we can divert some of each paycheck and get two cards so we just automatically have those expenses budgeted.

I know the thing with joint accounts is that it takes two people to open one, but only one to close it. But since we have been dating for two years, and I know everyone in his life from his grandparents to the kids he went to kindergarten with, I’m not too concerned.

Has anyone done that before? How do other cohabitators manage your expenses?

One weird thing for me with splitting has been that we definitely don’t use/spend the same amount on some things…