It’s Magic! How to Buy 3 Pairs of Gloves and Make 2 Disappear

At H&M, find a pair cognac colored, soft and supple leather gloves that match the shade of your fancy bag. They are perfect. Buy them for $24.95.

Wear them with your makeshift Halloween costume (Equestrian Betty Draper—no one gets the Betty Draper part) to a party.

Discover (blood like) red wine stains on them the next day.

Stress about the cost of dry cleaning. The last pair of suede gloves you got from H&M cost $18 to dry clean, which is probably about the price you paid for them. They didn’t look so great afterwards, either.

Google how to remove wine stains from gloves and decide that it’s not so hard—table salt, white wine, let dry.

Lose your gloves. 

Feel sad, but also vaguely relieved. At least now you won’t have to clean them. Go to H&M after work and find the same gloves there, now on sale for $15. Get very excited and buy them.

Go to a bar to watch the election results. Drink one whiskey ginger ($2.50). Get anxious. Talk to the strangers around the bar. One stranger says: I have a bad feeling about this. I think that Romney will win.

Decide you’d be happier at home, in bed, watching 30 Rock to distract yourself. Look up how to get home—it will take a hour, with a lot of walking in the biting cold, and a long wait for a slow train, and a lot more walking.

Take a cab ($19 with tip).

Get home and discover that you’ve lost your newly purchased gloves. But at least Obama is president.

Wonder if you are cursed.

Consider making mitten strings and stringing them through leather gloves. Think about Mittens Romney. Feel relieved.

Go to H&M. Admire the perfection, the rich color and softness of the gloves. $15. Buy your third pair (you have now spent $55).

Third time’s charm?


Laura Yan is a writer in NYC.  She tweets.


10 Comments / Post A Comment

eraserface (#1,628)

And this is exactly why I only buy $5 glove packs from CVS.

Mike Dang (#2)

@eraserface Me too. I endorse this.

alexandria (#1,604)

Not the point, I know, but: please can you tell us where you got a whiskey-ginger for $2.50 in NYC?

@alexandria B-Side in the East Village! Their happy hour is magical. I think the beers go for $1.50.

@alexandria If you buy drinks at those prices it’s like those gloves are paying for themselves!
(-Things I would seriously consider telling myself upon realizing I’d lost the 2nd pair of gloves). But seriously, yum, whiskey ginger. Also, great halloween costume.

alexandria (#1,604)

Thank you very much! I hope you hold onto this pair of gloves. (I have found that balling them up together like socks and putting them in my bag, rather than in the pockets of my coat, helps.)

wearitcounts (#772)

i always only lose one glove. then it feels like the other glove is TAUNTING ME.

wearitcounts (#772)

@Jess Tylkowski@facebook if only i lived in chicago (or somehow my odd glove arrived there without me)!

phlox (#204)

There is nothing wrong with mitten strings. A girl I worked with a few years ago had hers on a string and everyone who saw it was like, that’s a great idea!

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