Do-Re-Mi-Fa-So-La-Ti-Do That 1 Thing

Thursday is a great day to do that 1 thing you don’t want to do but also don’t want to continue thinking about doing

The way I “DO” my hair is to take a shower at night and go to sleep with my hair wet and sometimes I’ll wake up and my hair will be kind of kinky wavy and look okay, but really more often it looks a mess and I either put it up or wear a hat. AND THEN THE NEXT STEP is that I get sick of it and cut it all off.

This is what happened on Saturday. I woke and was like, “Bye, hair,” and proceeded to call ten salons near my cousins’ house, but they were all booked up. But I did not give up, I did not go quietly into the good night, and when I called an eleventh salon, I got an appointment. 

So I went and I explained to the dude: “Do whatever you want but I don’t want to have to ‘DO’ anything to it and if it means you have to cut it all off, you can, but just cut it in a way that will make it pretty at all times, even though I have never personally experienced that haircut, maybe you have magic scissors.” He was like, “Okay.” Instead he gave me a classic bob which looked INCREDIBLE after he gave me a blowout and then flat-ironed it and put some product in it. It continued to look incredible until I WORKED MY MAGIC and washed/slept on it and then it looked like a mushroom.

My plan was then to go cut the rest of of it off—I figured that since I had gotten a SUPER CHEAP $40 MINNEAPOLIS HAIRCUT SPECIAL, I could just get another one, haircuts for everybody. But cousin said: “Why don’t you just try to blowdry it?” And I said:”That’s not part of my identity.” And she said: “What is your identity?” And said: “I’m low maintenance.”  And she said: “That is not a true statement,” and she also said, “Blowdry your hair.”

But we are a family of scientists (also not a true statement), so we are experimenting. Today I washed my hair in the morning, let it airdry, and brushed it (Cousin: “You know your fingers aren’t the best brush.” Me: “What’s a brush?”). I’d say it looks “OKAY,” but still not “HOT.” Tomorrow I’m going blowdry it and then the next day I’m going to flatiron it and then COMPARE AND CONTRAST.

My task for today is to RESEARCH HAIR TOOLS so that I can do some fancy math to decide whether it’s BETTER FINANCIALLY to invest in STYLING PRODUCTS AND HAIRDRYERS AND FLATTENERS or more haircuts, taking into account the COST of beauty tools and also, based upon how the next few days go, the VALUE of my time in the mornings and the VALUE of having meh versus okay versus great hair. Also my mom hates my hair short so there are also psychological costs to consider. Very busy day over here. Just incredibly extremely busy.


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