The Day After Tomorrow’s Storm Preparations

Logan: STORMAGEDDON. FRANKENSTORM. ALL HALLOWS STORM. THE LION THE WITCH AND THE STORM ROBE. HOCUS STORMUS.

Mike: This storm does not bode well for your apocalyptic sensibility.

Logan: I guess I don’t get it. What should we be doing? Is the whole city going to flood? Tell me what to do, Mike.

Mike: Remember Hurricane Irene last year? The only real things I did were buy a flashlight in case the power went out, and filled my tub with water for toilet flushing purposes. I didn’t stock up on canned food, or anything like that.

Logan: I wasn’t living here then! I was in Virginia, with my parents and a generator and a lifetime supply of Perrier.

Mike: Oh, I bet your parents were very prepared. I was out of the evacuation zone, so I didn’t worry too much about it. I remember going to the grocery store with the intention of stocking up on supplies, and thinking, “Well what do I actually want?” I came home with a carton of ice cream and ate it that night.

Logan: Proud of you. For eating ice cream.

Mike: But as you know, I also always have a ton of CLIF bars on hand. I figured I could just eat those if I needed to.

Logan: Would you feel guilty eating them?

Mike: You mean, instead of passing them out to survivors on the street? Maybe a little bit. Are you planning on stocking up for this storm though? I mean, you don’t seem like the run-to-the-store-and-buy-all-the-non-perishables sort of person.

Logan: No, I’m not at all that type of person. But I’m also not the type of person to keep any food in my house at all. Every now and then I think, You know, it would probably be a good idea to buy a flat of water and some cans of baked beans and just put them in my closet.

And so this is reminding me of that 1 thing I should probably do. Other things I don’t have: Flashlights, candles, emergency radio, emergency iPhone charger (is that a thing?). An umbrella is another thing I don’t have. I did have one. I had two! But now I don’t have any at all.

Mike: Well, you just made yourself a list! Will you get any of that this weekend?

Logan: I might. Maybe I’ll make a game of it. Twenty dollars and twenty minutes in CVS, survival kit, GO. Okay $20 isn’t enough at all actually. That would be like, one tea light and two batteries.

Mike: I have a bag of 100 tea lights from Bed Bath and Beyond that I think I bought for $5. They’re the only candles I really have, but that’s what I got.

Okay, so Mayor Bloomberg said there won’t be any mandatory evacuation for Zone A yet. Do you know what Zone you live in?

Logan: Hahahha. Noooo. But evacuating seems a mess. Will not be doing.

Mike: Okay, well, I live in a non-flood zone, so you can always stay with me. I looked your place up on a map, and it looks like you’re in Zone B.

Logan: Thank you for doing that. When is this supposed to happen?

Mike: Well, “early next week” is what the media is saying—Sunday night possibly—which is why I think people are using this weekend to prepare.

I just Googled “Good Storm Food” and got this nice bit of advice: “Give yourself permission to indulge in some junk foods. Every storm threat brings a run on Twinkies and the like.”

Logan: Haah. Okay. So Twinkies and candles. Sounds good. Sounds great actually. Sounds like a really fun Friday night. On it.

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15 Comments / Post A Comment

bgprincipessa (#699)

I count… 8 storm puns and I LOVE IT. Thanks.

I just went to Target during lunch to stock up. I had some staples (peanut butter, tuna) in the pantry already, but I got a few cans of Chef Boyardee, a loaf of bread, some beef jerky, and a case of water…and $80 more worth of stuff, because it’s Target and payday. Like, I got a mini donut maker. It was only $5 and I can make seasonal donuts or something. I don’t know. I bought one of those flashlights that extends into a lantern, and some batteries. I have a bunch of jugs at home that I’m going to fill with water–I’ll probably put half in the fridge/freezer now so they’ll keep things cold if I lose power, and keep the rest out just in case.

I’m in Richmond, so I’m possibly too worried about the storm–I think we’ll lose power, if nothing else, because we seem to lose it a lot. I did buy a little charcoal grill and some flamedisks (instead of charcoal) on end-of-summer clearance, so I’m kind of looking forward to using them if I need to heat water or anything. But fingers crossed my preparations will be for naught.

Get an emergency kit from sosproducts.com and wind up flashlight radios (no batteries needed!) from LL Bean.

And then get some food, and you’re good.

is this storm happening already? or it’s just expected to go down? I’m in awe of how much it is consuming my newsfeed which isn’t really a newsfeed but just like, the places I visit on the internet. Everybody talking about this storm!

I’d make fun of you except toronto, army, etc.

emilies (#956)

@redheaded&crazy it’s times like these that you’re really reminded the media is based in New York…

I’m really upset I already bought my Halloween costume and can’t go as Frankenstorm.

Anyway, Giant is having a “stock up sale” this weekend ANYWAY so I guess this is the universe telling me “stop eating out all the goddamn time.”

aetataureate (#1,310)

@stuffisthings “Stay in and eat Twinkies,” though, right? Right?

I don’t know, if weather.com’s 10-day forecast is anything to go by, they suggest that Tuesday is the BIG DAY. Luckily, I still have a gallon jug of water left over from the last alleged hurricane!

Megano! (#124)

I am confused as to whether this is hitting Toronto or not, but if it does, I am glad I haven’t bothered to get my fucking floor fixed. Also I should probably pick some stuff up, because that roof is totally going to leak again.

kellyography (#250)

Nobody seems to know if/when/how bad this is going to be. Irene made my life a living hell. There was between six and eight inches of water in my house, took days to clean up, and I realllly, realllyyy cannot deal with that again.

eykeyk (#2,549)

Like many others, went to T Joe’s (boston) to stock up but got sidetracked (into an all salami / mozz and olive food supply) and lazy (didn’t want to carry that bottled water home after all). Back-up survival plan = go to workplace (a hospital–if they don’t have power or a working cafeteria, it is a Katrina level disaster that no # of tea candles would help).

aetataureate (#1,310)

“I just Googled ‘Good Storm Food’” is perhaps the best Mike Dang-ism of all time. I know, big talk.

TARDIStime (#1,633)

“I know what you did last stormer” = gold!

JitterBug (#1,972)

I know I’m a few days late to the party here but why has no-one mentioned stocking up on booze. I know food and water are great and all that but who wants to live in a world without wine?!? Not me.

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