My GF Wants 1 Job, But I Want Her to Have This Other Job
A man asks Dan Savage what he thinks about this situation with his girlfriend. The girlfriend took a high-paying job to pay off her debt. During that time, the boyfriend supported her. Now that the debt is gone, the girlfriend wants to quit her high-paying job because it turns out she doesn’t like it. But the boyfriend is encouraging her to keep her high-paying job so they can save for a house … and also because he just likes the idea of a girlfriend with this particular high-paying job. WHO IS RIGHT?
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Previously on The Billfold
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DOUCHEBAG.
@Megano! ALL THAT NEEDS TO BE SAID
I read the description and I was completely ready to defend the guy if the girl was in fact just being kind of wishy washy about what she wanted to do. And then I read the article (and the highly relevant yet unnamed-here details). Ditto, @Megano.
Who is right? As always, Dan Savage.
@mishaps More often he is sexist and a dickhead, but this time he is also right!
I don’t always like Dan Savage, and he doesn’t always like women.
But this one? Yeah. I hope she leaves him.
@thatgirl, perhaps this is too forgiving of me, but I’ve never gotten a sexist vibe from Dan. More like he just doesn’t understand women, which, being a gay man, makes sense. He is spot on more here.
@Splendorofmorgan yeah. he is sometimes not cool. Labelling women “BBC” is not cool. Also, today he gave not-exactly-accurate info about IUDs – but he did encourage it for a young woman who had not had children, so that is a win.
@Splendorofmorgan It shouldn’t give someone free license to disregard the best interest in like half the population just because they’re not sexually interested in them.
@theotherginger labeling women…..big black c*ck?
“I would hope that your girlfriend, who’s financially dependent on you at the moment, doesn’t return to sex work because she feels coerced”
Haha, that’s a joke, right? Like, “I hope this person, who right now is economically coerced, doesn’t feel coerced”.
@sintaxis Savage is just non-stop laugh riot in this post! Eg:
“Some men are turned on by the idea of their girlfriends/wives being paid for sex. You’re clearly one of those guys. And you’re within your rights to share this information with your girlfriend and to try to convince her to return to sex work.”
Or, read in the context of the first few sentences,
“I hope she doesn’t feel coerced into returning to sex work, but you have a legit right to put pressure on her to do sexual activities she’s uncomfortable with because it pleases your dick.”
@titmouser Pleasing dicks is the highest good in Savage’s Hierarchy of Needs. Other steps of that pyramid include Physiological: blowjobs & anal, Safety: BDSM safe words, pornography; Love/Belonging: threesomes, “monogomish”, open relationships; and Esteem: pandering to men of all sexualities.
@sintaxis Thank you, O! Savage, for demonstrating that my reluctance to enter potentially harmful sexual situations is negatively contributing to my being a self actualized lady. Whatever would I do without such invaluable psychosexualogical wisdom?
Has this guy ever been A Dude on the Hairpin? Judging by this one singular answer, methinks he’d be a great A Dude.
@TARDIStime All of his advice is pretty much this:
Woman: My partner is pressuring me to do something sexual I don’t want to do. I might have some past history of abuse or political objections to things like rape play, but he won’t leave me alone. What do I do?
Dan: Cheerfully and enthusiastically do whatever he wants in bed and never say no, because boundaries are so bourgeois. You are a frigid bitch and he’s totally justified in cheating on you and/or dumping you.
@sintaxis Yes, I was going to make a comment about “good, giving, and game” being awful sexual pressure, but you’ve got it locked down. Your personal discomfort is always secondary to someone else’s sexual fantasies/enjoyment, says Dan Savage!
@tales I knew there was something that made me uncomfortable about him. Women are so conditioned to be giving that any encouragement to do more of this reads as coercion to me